


Chasing Stars

by Little_Firestar84



Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Harlequin Romance Inspired, Multichapter, Sarah's in her brother's life, Tropes, au-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-03-11 20:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13531998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Firestar84/pseuds/Little_Firestar84
Summary: Sarah Bull has always been a tomboy, not minding old jeans, grey sweaters and running shoes. But everything changes the day she meets Benny - her sister-in-law's younger brother! Benny is older, smart, charming and handsome... everything a girl could want.  But could a bookish tomboy really stir the flames of desire in such a perfect man, when all he sees before his eyes is the little sister of his best friend?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> au-ish story, working on so many Harlequin tropes, so much I kind of lost count :) no drama, just some fun and a lot of love, in line with the best romantic comedies out there!

Sarah Carmichael-Bull had always believed to be open-minded and optimistic, a glass half full kind of person –or, like her brother, Jason, liked to say, happy-go-lucky. She guessed she had simply not lived long enough, because now, at age 18, she knew the ugly truth. There was something she couldn’t stand… and that thing was _weddings_.

She didn’t know what exactly the problem was: it was Jason’s wedding, after all, and Jason was her favorite person in the world. A good fifteen years older than her, Jason wasn’t _really_ her brother. He wasn’t even her half-brother. Sarah’s mother had married into the Bull household when her daughter was just a toddler, and even if the kid had always known the truth, no one had cared. Jason Sr. was dad, and Jason was a perfect older brother who loved her like crazy. 

And the bride? She didn’t even want to start with the bride. Isabella was just… she was a Disney Princess, there was just no denying it. The same age as Jason, she already had her own company… a Puerto Rican beauty, she was rich, sophisticated, with perfect manners and even more perfect clothes. And, on top of that, she was actually _nice_ (even if she had acted a little too shocked when she had met her future sister in law for the first time, discovering how much of a tomboy Sarah actually was).

She was so nice that she had practically forced Sarah to be one of her bridesmaid. And that was what Sarah hated, with a passion. 

She was a tomboy, she knew, and it had never been a problem. She was studying architecture, after all, and to design a building you didn’t need to be a delicate creature, nor wearing flowery fabrics or ruffles. She didn’t even care if the only reason boys talked with her was to get her to help them with their homework. She liked studying, and she just wanted to have good grades and get the scholarship she wanted. She liked old jeans and sneakers, and as hairstyles went, a ponytail was good enough.

But… it was Jason’s wedding. And she was one of Isabella’s bridesmaids. And bridesmaids weren’t usually allowed jeans, sneakers and old sweaters. 

Biting her lips, Sarah did her best to be just a wallflower. She was uncomfortable with the lilac cocktail dress, even if it wasn’t an outrageous number, and the heels weren’t helping either. Besides, was she supposed to actually _feel_ the weight of the make-up and of the hairdo that Isabella had inflicted her?

“Ehy! Here she is, my favorite sister in the whole wide world!” Sarah sighed when her brother’s voice reached her. She groaned, hating how spectacular Jason always had to be – she was his only sister after all, so _of course_ she would be his favorite one.

When she turned to meet her brother, Sarah discovered he wasn’t alone. But, contrary to all of her hopes, he wasn’t with Isabella. It was much, much, much worse: Jason was with his best friend, Benjamin “Benny” Colón – who also happened to be Isabella’s younger brother… and Sarah’s secret crush from a long, long time. _If_ it was a crush: Sarah had never truly been in love before, but she guessed that it would get pretty close. Besides, Benny wasn’t like the guys she usually hanged out with. He was a real man. He was an adult – he was wrapping up law school, and he had already lined up a job at the D.A. Office. 

He was even more handsome than what Sarah remembered – he had cut his hair a bit, and he was wearing a three piece suit, completed with a tie and an handkerchief in the same tone of lilac as the bridesmaids’ dresses.

She really hoped that Jason hadn’t hoped to be the most handsome man at his own wedding, because he was way out of Benny’s league.

“Ehy, kiddo.” Benny nodded in her direction, looking at her in the same way Jason did. Sarah would have sighed, had she been alone. She knew she wasn’t the perfect picture of femininity, but couldn’t he act like she could be, at least, a female friend? But no, she had to always be everyone’s little sister. 

Served her right for being such a tomboy.

“Benny,” Jason put an hand on Benny’s shoulder, the other on his sister’s forearm. “Isi has finished her dance with your dad. Do you mind dancing with Sarah?”

“Sure.” Benny sighed, rolling his eyes as soon as Jason gave him his back, infuriating Sarah. He was saying that he didn’t mind, but his eyes were already scanning the room, looking for a potential target – probably an easy lay, or a one night stand, or maybe even a girlfriend. Sarah wasn’t an idiot, she was starting to be unnerved with the Law School student: Benny could have at least _pretended_ to be interested in dancing with her, even just to humor Jason.

She bit her lips, blushing a little, like any other time she had shared even half a word with Benny. “You know, you don’t really have to dance with me if you don’t want to…”

Her eyes fell on the center of the dancefloor, where Jason and Isabella were sharing their first dance as husband and wife. It was perfect, Isabella looked even more stunning than usual in her wedding gown, and Jason was looking at her like she was the only thing in the world, like she was some kind of treasure. Sarah felt a stab of envy, so strong it was almost a physical reaction that made her sick. Just for once, she would have done _everything_ , she would have given up on all of her dreams, to have someone looking at her _like that_ just once.

“Care to join them?” She wasn’t expecting Benny to actually follow up on her brother’s suggestion, and yet here he was. He was smiling down at her with gentle eyes, and his voice had sounded almost… sincere. Sarah blushed, and simply nodded, as she put her small, pale hand into his big, warm and olive one. Careful, as if he was to break her, he guided her close to their siblings. 

“Here, let me.” Benny smiled at her, and Sarah felt butterflies in her stomach. She wanted to say something – do something- but she was at loss of words. The older man delicately helped Sarah get in position – her right hand in his left, her left on his shoulder, his right on her hip – and when the music started yet again, he swayed the brunette in his arms, with such an ease that she felt like a butterfly. 

“Look in front of you, not at your feet. Or maybe…” Benny chuckled, whispering in her ear. “You could try looking _at me_?”

Sarah nodded, forcing herself to lift her gaze and meet Benny’s eyes. There was little more than blushing that she could do. She didn’t even know what to say, for her mind was in turmoil, all her thoughts concentrated on those inches of skin that Benny was touching, burning underneath his fingertips. 

“Good girl.” They kept dancing in the crowd, their eyes falling, every now and then, on the happy couple, on Isabella’s glassy eyes and on Jason’s dreamy expression. 

“You know,” Benny suddenly said, breaking the charm that had fallen over Sarah. “I get why they say that my sister is a guru – she really outdid herself with you. Of course, the raw material wasn’t bad, but I have to tell you, Sarah – all the boys’ eyes are you this evening.”

Sarah’s heart clenched painfully, and broke in a million of pieces: she didn’t want empty flattery, or the eyes of the “boys” upon herself. What she wanted – what she truly _craved_ – was the eyes of just _one_ man.

She wanted Benny, like she had never wanted anything - anyone – in her whole life, and she wanted for him to truly mean those words that had just escaped those painfully perfect lips.. 

A naked flame of pride suddenly burned up in her heart, bright and strong line never before. Sarah stood tall, and closed her eyes as she got closer to the man right before her. She could have sworn their lips were already touching when Benny took a step back, abruptly, and she opened her eyes. 

“Whoa, Sarah, did you… think I was gonna kiss you?” He half-asked, half-stated, as he chuckled, shamelessly. 

Sara swallowed, hard, and felt only one emotion – shame. She hoped that no one had seen what had happened between the two of them: her mind went to Isabella. She liked her new sister in law, she really did. She was nice with everyone, Sarah included, and was good for and with Jason, like no other girl before her. She didn’t want to ruin things. Make them awkward for no one. 

“Listen, why don’t you go and hang out with kids your age? I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to kiss a cute girl like you. Because, Sarah, I promise you…” he whispered in her ear, with a voice laced with… venom and mockery. “You’ll never get any kisses from me tonight.”

As she watched Benny leaving her and joining a sexy Asian girl, just to hug and kiss her, Sarah felt small… and boring and stupid. She had really thought that Benny could find her cute. Could like her – could want her to be… something for him. But she had been wrong. For she was just a kid in his eyes. Just his best friend’s sister. His sister’s sister in law. Nothing more. 

Maybe something less. But nothing more.


	2. Chapter 2

The day her brother had gotten married, Sarah had learnt that weddings weren’t fun – they were a cacophony of sounds and grins and people stabbing other people in the back. Seven years later, she was still of the same opinion, didn’t matter if the bride (and the groom too) were different people or if they were still just _planning_ their wedding. It was still a nightmare.

Sarah sighed, trying to hide her edgy grimace behind the glass of champagne the saleswoman had kindly offered Danny and her wedding party. _If_ they could call it really champagne. It was too strong, too bubbly and way too alcoholic to have anything to do with the real stuff. Sarah would have done almost anything to have a tall glass of Merlot in her hands – but she guessed that red wine wouldn’t have worked all too well in place filled with lacy and frilly whites. 

“Danny, honey, _no_.” Chunk, one of her brother’s other employees and Danny’s friend, sighed almost painfully as he saw the bride-to-be trying the umpteenth meringue on. His presence was the only good thing of the morning, because even if he kept lecturing Danny on her choice of clothing, he did so with a kind smile and no malice whatsoever. 

“Danny, I know you are very proud of your FBI musculature, but contrary to common belief a wedding dress is supposed to enchant your strong points, not make you look like Hercules squeezed into satin and silk.” The fashion designer shook his head, and used just a finger to get Danny back into the changing room, like she didn’t have a saying in the matter.

“Why did you do that? It was nice!” Sarah complained, pouting like a child, making Marissa – another of Danny’s coworkers, and Sarah’s good friend – laugh of her crystalline and full laughter that made everything immediately better. 

“She is just fed up because this is her third wedding in six months.” Marissa pointed out. She didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that she too had been bridesmaid as many times as Sarah. But after all, it wasn’t such a huge issue for her: she had a lovely suitor who had eyes only for her, and besides, she oozed charisma and class and never looked out of place.

“I don’t care if this is her tenth wedding in two weeks. This is Danny’s wedding and she wants to be perfect on her most special day. We don’t want for her to look at her pictures in a few years and think that she looked like a salami because you were _bored_!”

Sarah just shrugged, and came back to try to enjoy the beverage, waiting for yet another dress rehearsal. She lazily checked the time, hoping that she could use the excuse of an imminent meeting to leave. Also because she knew that Chunk was starting to be annoyed with her, and whenever he did, he would just go back to one topic in particular.

“And anyway, you should try to listen to me too. When I give you fashion advice I do it for your own good, you know. We are at Kleinfeld Bridal. It’s the temple of bridal fashion. Couldn’t you at least try to dress up a little? For Danny?”

Sarah lowered her eyes to her daily outfit. It was a nice sweater, rose-gold, in cashmere, and the jeans she was wearing hugged her all in the right places. She was even wearing ankle boots- with _heels_. 

“What wrong with this? You picked this out for me yourself!”

“Yeah, together with dresses and skirts and blouses – and I’ve never seen you with those. Today, for example, would have been a perfect day to try that red dress out. With maybe the black plumps. Just saying.” Chunk just shrugged, and as soon as he saw Danny leaving the changing room he simply shook his head, and joined her and the clerk, hoping to have better taste than the two of them combined together.

“I don’t know if Cable is smarter because she was able to avoid this torture or because she doesn’t care what Chunk tells her about looks.”

Marissa simply smiled – kindly – and turned to look at her friend. “Are you sure that you aren’t just a little jealous?”

But Sarah just snorted, un lady-like, like Marissa had just said the biggest idiocy in the history of the planet. “Do you really think that I wish to doll myself up for a guy who would open doors for me, and that my heart would skip a beat when he’d take my hand?” She sipped the champagne, but found out that she couldn’t hide behind the glass any longer, as it was empty. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m more than happy with just the occasional flirt.”

“But you used to want to, and I quote you, have your heart skip a beat when a certain guy would take your hand in his own…” Marissa sniggered, all proud of herself. She leaned over the red velvet armchair, and looked at her friend with a gleam in her eyes – like she knew some big secret and wasn’t ready to give it up yet. “Does the name _Benny Colón_ ring any bells?” 

“Jason’s ex brother-in-law? I haven’t seen him in seven years or so – actually, I don’t think I’ve ever meet him again after the wedding.” Which wasn’t so strange, now that she thought about it. He was Jason’s family, after all, and not hers, and now not even that – not after Jason and Isabella’s (very amicable) divorce.

Marissa glared at her, in that “I used to work for the department of homeland security and I was a master interrogator” kind of way. 

“Fine, maybe,” Sarah looked around herself, as she was scared someone could hear their conversation, and practically whispered. “Maybe I had a crush for him, but I was just a kid. Besides, I was just his best friend’s little sister to him. And anyway, he moved, and he is probably already married with that Amanda woman by now.”

Sarah’s mind went back to the day of Jason’s wedding. She couldn’t forget how embarrassed she had been, how… ashamed of herself she had felt when she had understood that Benny wasn’t going to kiss her – and had no intention to. She had changed, she had grown up and was now an adult, successful in her own field. And yet, whenever someone mentioned Benny, she still blushed and felt the urge to hide herself in the bathroom and just _cry_ her eyes out.

“Well, I wouldn’t count on that.” Marissa looked away, as if she was actually waiting for Chunk and Danny to leave the changing room, faking ignorance and nonchalance. The bait had been thrown, and Sarah’s expectant look was all the encouragement the psychologist and neurolinguistics expert needed to continue. 

“Benny and Amanda broke up- and it was an _awful_ break up. Word is they argued after he refused to offer the DA’s office the sacrificial lamb they were looking for and he resigned.”

_ I’ve always thought she was kind of a bitch,  _ Sarah thought, but she refused to give voice to her inner dialogue. Thanks to a generous helping of good booze when the new TAC headquarters had been inaugurated – one of the best projects of Sarah’s firm - Marissa was already all too aware that Benny had been a secret fantasy of the younger Bull.

“And, do you want to try to guess who is going to be our new in-home counselor, thanks to his best friend and former brother-in-law?”

Sarah didn’t say a word, she just stared at Marissa, her eyes wide with… what, worry? She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to feel, nor if she was supposed to feel anything at all. After all, why would she care if Benny was back in Jason’s life – and now full time thanks to his new status of employee? Like she had told Marissa, nothing had ever happened between the two of them – he was just a crush from a long time before. 

Besides, he would just work with Jason, and she had no business any longer with TAC. Yes, every now and then she would shop up and make sure that her brother would remember to eat and sleep and not spend all of his time at the office, but it wasn’t like she really had to. Jason was a grown-up man. He could look after himself. 

Besides, it was just for a short while. Just until she didn’t get used to the idea of seeing again the first man who had ever broken her heart. Made her feel small and stupid. And by then, Benny probably wouldn’t even be there any longer- after all, how long could a former ADA last as a defense attorney?

Sarah took a big breath of relief, and allowed herself to relax in her chair, thinking that it was the end of the conversation. But it was Marissa there with her, and she really should have known better. 

“Pretend all you want, but you can’t hide that blush of yours…” The blonde pinched the brunette’s cheek, like to emphasize her point, but Sarah just shrugged. 

“It’s just the alcohol – I’ll let you know that I happen to have a rather delicate complexion.”

Just one look told her that Marissa wasn’t fooled.

But after all, it didn’t matter, because there was just one person that Sarah wanted to fool – and it was herself. And maybe, Benny Colón if she couldn’t avoid him. 

But if she was going to have a saying in the matter… their roads would have never, ever crossed again. 


	3. Chapter 3

“You know, man, some things, you just can’t forget, and this here, what you did for me? That’s one of those!” Benny touched his beer bottle to Jason’s, toasting to his life. They were sitting on a couple of boxes in Jason’s apartment – a work in progress even after years past his divorce from Isabella- drinking and talking about the past and the future.

“Oh, please. My in-house counselor left me overnight to drive into the sunset with his latest bimbo, and you just came in handy.” Jason sippedhis beer, grinning.

Every now and then, he would look outside his window, and think back at how much he had missed this. Benny had been his friend – his best friend, even – before being his brother-in-law, and as much as amicable his divorce had been, he hadn’t been brave enough to face him again. It had been Isabella who had called Jason to tell him that her little brother was feeling a little down after losing his job _and_ the love of his life, all because he had integrity. 

“Yeah, well, thanks anyway. And… thanks for the room, too. You did say you were going to host me here until I got back on my feet, didn’t you?” Benny looked around himself, a bit worried, swallowing hard. The condo was nice, as buildings went. It was in a very good neighborhood, and there was the right amount of space and light. 

Only, it was practically still empty, save from the boxes and few pots, and it was something that Jason had forgotten to mention when he had assured Benny that there was going to be room for his good friend at his place.

“Oh, you man of little faith! Of course your room is ready! Not that I’ve got it costume-made for you in particular, but, you know, when I forbid her to decorate my bedroom, Sarah begged me to let her have a go to at least a guestroom. Said that, as it wasn’t going to be mine, she could add as many of her personal touches as she wanted without having to wait for me to decide what I exactly wanted.”

“She still has you wrapped around her little finger, uh?” Benny shook his head, amused that nothing had changed between Jason and his semi-sister, and whished that he could have said the same of his relationship with Isabella, but no one had ever said that life was fair, and as much as he loved his sister, there were just few wounds that would keep longer to heal. “So… how is she doing nowadays? Still the same?”

Jason sighed and, throwing in a corner his glasses, massaged the bridge of his nose. He seemed worried – and tired. “Honestly? I don’t really know. We are so wrapped out in our jobs that we don’t really have time for each other. I mean, to get to spend some quality time with my sister I actually had to hire her to design and furnishing my office!”

“Ah, that’s the Sarah Carmichael Bull I remembered! Always busy working and planning, always with her head stacked between the pages of some architecture book!” Benny drank another sip of beer, and he shook his head, feeling already better. It was good, knowing that some things were still the same, even if it was just Jason’s little sister.

Jason sighed, and his eyes turned a little faraway. He was worried – even an idiot would have seen it – but then he shook his head, and chuckled.

“You remember how I sued to always lecture her because she didn’t spend enough time just living? Ah, I would have never thought that one day I would have regretted my own advice!”

“Why, your sister doesn’t keep herself busy enough? Because if that’s the case, then either you have another sister I know nothing about, or I really didn’t know Sarah. Like, at all.”

“Well, you see, she does like keeping herself busy. Especially,” Jason took a big breath, and looked at Benny, pointy. “going from bad relationship to bad relationship. And lately it’s been even worse. All her friends are either married or engaged, and I guess she got it in that pretty little head of hers that she should _really_ take this step too. Because she was dating this complete jerk who spent his whole time at the phone when they were having dinner, and he was a lying and manipulative scumbag, and my sister was too smart to fall for such a tool.”

Benny laughed, almost chocking on his beer; the friends didn’t say a word for the longest time, but Jason’s stare convinced Benny to speak his mind. “I was just wondering if I should say, _take one to know one_ , or _kettle, meet pot_. Because, as far as I remember,” he put his hand on his heart, like to add sincerity and emphasis to his statement. “lying and manipulative are the exact same words I used to describe you to people when you first started dating Isabella. And we were _friends_. She is your little sister. _Of course_ you don’t like anyone trying to get close to her!”

“No buddy, what I mean, he actually tried to talk her into giving him her money. Luckily, by that point she had already came back to her senses and was smart enough to throw all of his belongings out of the window and change all the locks.” Jason shivered, his gaze far away – probably, Benny thought, he was considering what could have happened if his sister hadn’t broken up with such a specimen. “Pretty sure that one of your pals at the DA office is having a go with him right now.”

Benny sighed. For a moment, it was like he was looking into the void, like his mind was somewhere far away in time. “Still, isn’t it, I don’t know, a little early for Sarah to be thinking about marriage?”

Jason laughed – an honest, pure laughter so strong that made his eyes teary and his stomach ache. He was opening his mouth as to speak, when the front door opening cut him short. 

“Next time you want me to offer you dinner you are pleased to at least tell me in advance, you jerk!” Came a feminine and rather annoyed voice. The steady rhythm of heels on floor followed, and then, when the figure finally came into view, all Benny could do was blinking, open-mouthed. 

It couldn’t be. It just… couldn’t. 

And yet, it had to be. Sarah, a few good years older than what he last remembered. Gone were the glasses and the less-than-perfect skin. Now, she was a real woman, with shiny, glossy hair that brushed her shoulders and framed eyes he remembered oh so well. 

“Benny Colón. It’s been a while, uh?” Sarah offered her brother the take-away bag, a little annoyed, and yet she smiled at his guest – with dark red, redefined lips, the kind of lips that men couldn’t wait to ravish. 

“Sarah?” He simply said, when he realized that staying there with his mouth open and no smart thing to say wasn’t an option any longer.

“Yep. Different clothes, different hairdo, but still me.” Yes- with the soft sweater in pale pink and the jeans that fitted her form like a glove, she definitely wasn’t the girl with loose jeans and battered t-shirts he used to remember. He wasn’t sure it was a good thing, especially given that he seemed unable to put two words together with her. “By the way, welcome back, I guess. Even if I had to find out by Marissa that you got a new in-house counselor, and who it actually was.”

She put her hands on her hips, and lifted a very well done eyebrow at her brother. She still got the attitude, Benny noticed, but when delivered by a real woman, and one with style, well, the effect was a whole other thing. 

“What were you doing out with Marissa?” Jason asked as he went looking for something in the huge delivery bag. “On second thought, don’t tell me. You two together are trouble.”

“Danny had the appointment for the wedding dress. She asked me if I wanted to tag along as I happen to be in the wedding party.”

“Right, the wedding.And thanks for the food. So nice of you to picking up my tab! I’ll make sure that next time I’ll give the delivery boy the right address. And name. I’d ask you if you want to hang out but, you know, boys only!” 

Sarah shook her head, chuckling a little. “All right, I get it. If you need anything, I’m gonna be downstairs.” She rolled her eyes, and made her way to leave. 

Which, in Benny’s book, wasn’t a good idea. Because he had seen her dark eyes, and all he wanted to do was keepinggazing into them.

Or maybe not. Sure, it sounded appealing, but he didn’t think that Jason would have agreed with his train of thoughts, especially for what concerned those lips and those curves. 

Besides, she was Sarah. He had known her since she was a child. She was supposed to be like a little sister to him!

_ Doesn’t look really sisterly to me, pal,  _ a voice in his head said. And, as much as he hated to admit it, the voice was right. Even if it was pretty stupid. He wasn’t looking for romance, of any kind, not after his awful breakup. Not after the woman he loved with all of himself had crushed his heart and his dreams of a future together.

But… he wasn’t the only one in pain. Jason had been clear. Sarah was in pain too – albeit of a different kind. She was looking, she was hoping, and yet love eluded her.

Maybe… she really didn’t need to love. Just because all of her friends were married didn’t mean she had to be as well. Maybe she just needed… companionship. A good friend. A shoulder to lean on. 

_ Those  _ were the things a brother would do. It was what he had done for Isabella. And he would gladly do it for Sarah, too. 

Because, fi he behaved like a brother, maybe he wouldn’t be so enticed by her those eyes and those dark, full, kissable lips of hers.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a mistake, and that wasn’t her place. Those were the things that Sarah kept repeating to herself as she tried to maneuver herself in the small crowd at Jason’s party. They were celebrating TAC’s rebuilding after a bombing – a bombing! – and, quite frankly, it seemed more like a parade of who-was-who than a (re)opening ceremony… lawyers, politicians but also designers and models, journalists… and, of course, _her_ own firm. 

Her study had been more than thrilled to get the job for the rebuilding, and _of course_ Jason had loved having his sister as his own personal interior decorator _again;_ when he had first opened TAC up, she had given him an help with his office, as he wanted at least that to be his own space, but now, with a study looking after the whole process, she had been tasked with managing the interior of the whole society. 

And this time, she hadn’t gotten the job justbecause she was Jason’s little sister, but because she was good at what she did. That, and She had good taste, after all – even if it still escaped Chunk how could she be so good at her job and yet be barely able to put two colors together when it came to her own wardrobe.

And, as much as she hated dressing up and parties and snobs, she knew that it was a good opportunity – to show off her work, get recognition (and some jobs too for the wealthy and bored 1 percenters)… and meet people. Marissa had suggested going to the event as a way to launch herself in circulation. Be among people she didn’t know – and use the ones she did know as a sort of anchor. 

Marissa had gone as far as pointing out potential candidates to her, people who were the right age and had the right jobs. Too bad that a couple of them happened to like a little too much getting drunk, too… and besides, she didn’t feel like herself. It was like she wasn’t even in her own skin any longer. The lingerie was itchy, she was getting blisters because of the new, high heels and the one-shoulder dress was… well, it was _red_ (burgundy, but, still), and _one-shoulder_ , and, even if she knew it wasn’t showing too much skin, it was still too much – much more than what she was used to.

She went on tip-toes – a challenge, giving the high heels – and over the shoulders of those around her she finally located Jason and her boss, Anthony, busy making small-talk, with Marissa as their arm-candy. She was about to join them – they were supposed to be her anchor if she felt uncomfortable, after all, and uncomfortable she felt – when someone tapped on her naked shoulder-blade.

She turned, secretly thrilled that someone had noticed her between those beautiful people, and stood speechless as she saw Benny right before her- He was grinning – there was no other word for it – and his eyes were gleaming with mischief. He wore what had seemed to become his signature clothes – a three piece suit, a pinstriped shirt, tie and matching pocket square.

“You want something to drink, Sarah?” he asked, startling Sarah – because, apparently, she had forgotten that he could talk. Because he was real, and not some kind of divine apparition. She mumbled something, nodded, whispered a thank you and watched him leaving, looking for a waitress – only after he had saluted her with a gentle squeeze of her naked shoulder. 

Sarah sighed. She could still her cheeks burning, and her shoulder wasn’t feeling any better. The butterflies seemed to be having a party in her stomach, and her feminine parts were suspiring. And all because Benny Colónhad actually _touched_ her. 

“Well, well, well… looks like we’re already mooning after someone… who’s the lucky guy?” Marissa slipped into the place vacated by Benny just a moment before, champagne glass in hand. If Jason knew how to party, Marissa wasn’t definitely second to him, if the red number she was wearing was of any indication.

“I’m not mooning. I’m moaning. I _hate_ this underwear. I don’t understand why you and Chunk insisted I had to wear lace. It’s not like any of the people here is going to see me naked this very evening!” She pouted, deciding that telling Marissa that she had been right – that maybe, just maybe, she still had a crush on Benny – couldn’t be a good idea.

Benny returned with her glass of champagne, but Sarah didn’t have the time to properly thank him, or even just smile at the guy, that Benny was already gone, busying himself with his lawyers peers. Marissa was similarly gone, too, being the social butterfly only she could be.

Sarah found herself alone yet again, and decided to do something of it. After all, the most unlikely dating material (Benny) wasn’t showing any interest in spending more than 30 seconds in her company, and she was so done mooning after him. He didn’t want to be around her? Worse for him. She was just bloody great and somewhere, maybe even at that party from hell, there was the right guy for her. 

Just like that, a cute blonde guy in khaki pants caught her attention. He was talking with Cable and few of her friends, but when their eyes met, she smiled, and then quickly looked away, hoping that it would get his attention. Secretly thrilled, she focused on her glass and her surroundings, stealthy keeping tabs on the blonde guy. Her heart started beating faster when she saw him approaching with the corner of her eye.

“Sarah! My favorite sister _and_ interior designer! Come and have some fun with your dear old brother!” Jason had finally remembered that he had asked her to the party, and was now standing tall at her side, one hand on her shoulder. And he wasn’t even squeezing gently- no sir, he was behaving like a mama bear, _and_ incinerating the poor blonde guy with his laser-gaze. 

“You can thank me later for having saved you from that idiot. Not to judge Cable, but if he is friends with her, there’s a good chance he has a record.”

Sarah glared at him. “I can say no to idiots on my own, _idiot_.” 

“Not on my watch, Little Sister.” Jason blinked. Sarah was being more of a spitfire than usual.Fact was, her brother’s interference was something she hadn’t anticipated. She thought that he would have been more than happy to see her getting a life, but apparently Jason wanted her to die an old spinster cat-lady.

She caught sight of khaki pants at the buffet, and without saying a word to Jason she went there. She would have taken something, hoping for a chance to start a conversation with the potential date. 

Someone turned the music one, and people started to dance. The rhythm possessed her, and she felt a renewed determination. She wanted to dance – with the blonde guy. 

She choose an appetizer, and while she was enjoying the sensation of the buttery paste melting on her tongue, she saw smiling at her. Her heart fluttered as she smiled back, and saw him getting closer, but then…

Then, she saw him swallowing hard, and freeze on the spot. He stood, there, motionless, apparently scared out of his mind, for the longest time, and when Sarah took a step in his direction, he turned away and left like he was on fire.

She turned, looking in direction of whatever had scared the hell out of the guy, even if, deep down, she already know the answer \- and in fact, here was, Jason, looking all smug and just proud of himself. 

_ You idiot, I’m not fifteen any longer. why can’t you cut me some slack?  _ She thought. She was so mad she was about to cry – her brand-new mascara the only reason she wasn’t weeping yet. 

She just wanted to give up and go home. Get out of the dress and put on shorts and a sweater. Drink a beer, and maybe a few slice of pizza.If only that was the very reason she was still single, while everyone she knew was either married or engaged!

Irritation rose as she glanced at her brilliant brother. Didn’t matter if Jason was a genius – he was still an idiot. She thought about telling him to lay off, but she already knew that it would have been to no avail. Jason never listened to her – otherwise, he would have never wore a mustache, nor slept with the lawyer of the counterpart while still on the case. Asking him for help, it would have had pretty much the same result. 

And then, realization hit her. There were maybe three people who had ever shouted Jason up- and only two of them were in the same room as her. She saw Benny – one of those said person – and a plan crystallized in her mind.

She made her way to where Jason and Benny stood, and candidly admitted that she wouldn’t have minded some dancing – and Jason _hated_ dancing. 

She tried to hide as best as she could the smile beaming on her face as she asked Benny to join her. She knew he would have agreed – if only to make Jason happy. And with him as her escort, she would have been sibling-free to conduct her search for potential men. 

She was feeling a little guilty in using Benny like that, but she promised herself to tell him the truth – that she was looking around, but Jason liked to use his Jedi-like mind tricks on all of her dates. She really wanted to tell him the truth – that all she needed from him was help in getting, even just temporary, away from her brother’s scrutiny. 

But… words died in her throat as he took her in his arms, and shivers run down her spine, just like that first time they had danced together. 

“You okay?” Benny’s voice tickled her, as all around them couples gently swayed to the music. But she was frozen, her mind captive of an adolescent fantasy, a teenager daydream about a charming and charismatic older boy. 

_ Anyone _ , she thought, _I can dance with anyone but him_. Rationally, she knew that nothing would have happened to her, had she danced with Benny, and yet she knew that she would have burst into flames. His presence would have suffocated her. Just like at Jason’s wedding – and like when their eyes had met at Jason’s, a couple of evenings before.

She smiled of a shy, polite smile, and accompanied by her heel’s sound, she walked towards not the improvised dancefloor, but waiting room. No one was there, the lights were turned off there. She was leaning against the cold glass window, looking at the city she had come to love, and hugged herself, as to protect herself from the cold. 

Benny joined her, his back against the glass wall. He kept his gaze to the lights beneath them as well, but soon, Sarah felt herself blushing for no reason, and goosebumps covered her skin. She knew he was looking at her – their eyes weren’t meeting and yet… she knew. 

Tentatively, she moved her gaze from the outside to him, and she found Benny studying her. He was staring at her legs, and then he moved his gaze moved up her body, and when their eyes met, she understood without an hint of doubt that it was with a man’s eyes that he was looking at her – not like a friend, nor a sibling. 

He shook his head slowly. “Oh, Sarah… what happened to you?” she couldn’t think of anything to say, nor could she move, and she soon found herself pressed between the wall and his broad chest. “The little girl with the glasses, the ponytail and the stubborn chin… why did you have to grow up and change, Sarah?”

She swallowed, tried to not meet his eyes. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time, Benny. You just said it- I grew up.”

He laughed lightly. “Doesn’t look like Jason got the message.” Slowly, he lifted his right hand, run it through the cascade of her soft hair. “Not sure I want to, either.”

She clenched her teeth, painfully, her fists closed at her sides. She was desperate. She was mad. She was feeling too much at the same time. Mostly, she wanted to ask – no, _demand_ – that he see her as a woman, but the silly prayer wouldn’t escape her lips.

“Sarah…” he breathed her name as he got closer and closer. It was too much, too soon, and desperate to escape his touch, Sarah took a step back. Her heel caught on something, and she lost her balance. Benny moved as the catch her, but she twisted, and kept herself upright. 

The damn heel was broken – and she removed the awful and yet marvelous shoes. She wasn’t a woman. She wasn’t beautiful. She was an idiot who better stopped dreaming adolescent fantasies. 

“Everything all right?” He asked as he reached for her, but she whirled away in time. 

“Yeah, just, I think Chunk may have something in my number.” She circled around him and headed toward the door, desperate to flee the man of her dreams, but Benny was following her.

“Sarah…” he simply said, and she couldn’t help but turn to face him. “You grew up beautiful.” He added after the longest time.

She melted, and Sarah realized that she didn’t need Benny to touch her to end her. His voice – rough, deep – was enough. 

Marissa was right. She was already mooning after someone. 

Maybe she had never stopped to. 

From his little corner, surrounded by ferns, Benny was studying Sarah. He was nursing a beer, but his eyes never left her. She had changed shoes, he noticed – the heels seemed a little shorter, and they were open-toed. He could even get a glimpse of a pink polished nail.

He groaned, loosening his tie. It was just _a nail_ , for God’s sake, and it was polished the kind of pink that children used. It wasn’t supposed to have any kind of appeal, to be arousing, and yet, on Sarah, it did all kind of things to him. 

As she was talking with her boss and some of her coworkers, she laughed, then pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. Benny’s eyes fell on her legs – somehow, between the heeled shoes and the dress, they seemed longer, and, despite the taunt muscles, they still were feminine. Just like the full breasts, showcased by the burgundy dress without an hint of vulgarity. 

As if they were sharing his line of thoughts, two men got closer to her- too close for comfort. One of them had even dared to put his hand on the small of her back, as if she was his.

Benny tightened his grip on the beer. He knew he should have kept his distance, and yet he found that he couldn’t. It wasn’t just the fact that he found himself mesmerized by her transformation, captivated by the mermaid she had turned into.

It was what Jason had told him: Sarah wanted to love, and be loved back in return. Her mind and her heart weren’t in the same place, and she was being too quick and too indulgent with the men she was giving her heart to. Jason himself that very evening had been her shield, but Benny knew that Sarah didn’t need her brother right then. 

She needed _him. He_ was going to be her protector- and any man who wanted her, they should have gone through him first. She was gorgeous and sweet and, as heart raised in his gut, he felt the need to keep her safe.

“Hi. Having a good time this evening?” A feminine voice intruded at his side. He turned, and meet a tall blonde in her fifties – a client of some kind, if he had it right.

“Sure.” He forced himself to answer, trying to sound nice and clever. But his insides were twisting, and he really, really wanted to hit something – or even better yet, someone – because the two men were bent toward her ear, as to whisper sweet nothing.

The woman kept talking – and kept drinking, even if he wasn’t sure how her glass was always full. His gaze was glued to Sarah, and how she smiled at one of the two men she had been talking with. Benny didn’t know why she was confiding in him – the alcohol, probably – but from what little he had listened to, he reckoned she had been disappointed by a man. 

He stared at Sarah. The blonde was right: men disappointed women, and Sarah had been disappointed in the past. The same could have happened with the guy she was currently flirting with. Someone could soon break her heart.

“So, who’s this girl you can’t keep your eyes off?” The blonde asked, chuckling, as she looked in the same direction Benny did. Sarah’s “friend” was too close to her, and too many smiles were being exchanged for Benny’s comfort.

“She is just a friend.” 

“A friend. Sure. And my husband didn’t leave me for someone fifteen years younger.” The blonde rolled her eyes. For someone as drunk as she was, she was awfully receptive. 

Benny heard Sarah laugh, and with the corner of his eye he saw that the man- the rat, as he had nicknamed the guy in his mind – was skimming over the naked skin of her forearm

He moved, deciding to introduce himself, let those men know that Sarah had people looking after her, but he hadn’t taken two steps that the rat saluted the interior designer and strode away, followed by the other man Sarah had been laughing with.

He relaxed. He thought about looking for Jason, and forget the blonde’s reminder of how dangerous love was, but then he realized he couldn’t. 

He had other plans, after all. Plans for Sarah. She wanted love, and had decided that Danny’s wedding was to be her deadline, but a set date – and on top of that, such a close one – could lead a naïve woman like her to pain and mistakes. 

He strode towards her, and she didn’t see him coming. He grabbed the hand that the rat had touched, and pulled her into the dancefloor- right into his arms. 

Her lips slightly parted – those full, perfect, dark pink lips, so, so kissable – as to question him of his motives, but Benny wasn’t sure what to say. She hadn’t looked like a woman in danger. She hadn’t need his help. But she had been at risk of being hurt, and he had wanted- he still wanted – to protect her, to help her out, just like he used to when she was younger.

He took a big breath and inhaled her scent – vanilla and coconut and soon everything disappeared. There was only Sarah, and the way she felt in his arms. His mind wandered in places it wasn’t supposed to, as he saw himself looking for that scent all over her naked body, in the same bed she had chosen.

He sighed, trying to clear his head. Of course he felt desire- he hadn’t slept with a woman in over six months, but this wasn’t what he wanted for Sarah. He didn’t want to be just another brute who would break her heart, or, God forbid him, one who would take advantage of her, adding her as a notch on their headboard.

He inhaled her scent again, smelling something else in the mix- white chocolate, he guessed – and her earrings sparkled in the dim light of the room. “Sarah…”, he sighed, staring down at her as if he was amazed, as if he had just discovered an hidden treasure. 

She looked up at him, and her eyes went wide with surprise – why, he couldn’t say. He slid his fingers in her hair, the silk caressing his knuckles, and Sarah closed her eyes at the contact, and when she shivered, Benny knew it wasn’t for the temperature.

“What are you doing, Benny?” She asked, leaning in his touch. 

Frankly, he didn’t know either. “I want to take you out,” he answered, honestly. “What do you say, Sarah?” 


	5. Chapter 5

The day after the kiss that had rocked his world, Benny tried with all of his might to focus on work and work alone. He even had a good excuse, after all: he was still new at TAC, and even if he wasn’t going to be lead counselor on any of the cases they were currently working on, he still wanted to be involved as much as possible. 

After all, it had been a while – _a long while_ , actually – since he had worked for the defense. Jason kept repeating that he needed to get used to his new role first, and at how things were handled there. 

Jason was a good man, and had a solid moral compass – Benny had never doubted it, not even for a second. But it was still weird looking at how his former brother-in-law handled things and won cases, sometimes even before they reached the court. 

But, how could he really _not_ think about Sarah and her luscious forms beneath his hands, andher soft lips, hungry against his mouth, when he had, right before his eyes, her own big brother?

“Are you here with me, Benny?” Jason asked, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to see where the narrative of his latest case could go. The poor man was innocent, one glance had been enough to tell Jason so, but he had had motive and lacked a solid alibi. Didn’t matter if even a five years old would have seen that he completely lacked the gut to actually commit the homicide: someone had already decided he was to be the sacrificial lamb, and it was up to TAC to make sure the truth came out.

Jason waved an hand in front of Benny’s eyes. “You left a post-it on my desk, saying you wanted to ask me something about the Roderick case? You know, guy risking death penalty for something he didn’t do?”

Benny swallowed. Yesterday, he had been in his clear mind. Yesterday, he hadn’t yet tasted – and _felt_ – Sarah beneath him.

“Right.” He closed his eyes, took a big breath trying to get back in control of his emotions and his body. He opened his briefcase, took a stack of papers and checked for something he had underlined with his trusty Montblanc. 

“You okay, buddy? Or did a steamroller run you over last night?” Benny grimaced, and yet at the same time he shivered. He knew Jason, and how good he was at what did. He had been an excellent psychologist, a great poker player, and he was a pioneer in trial analysis – all because he could cold-read people like no one else.

And, on top of that, Jason knew _him_. It wouldn’t have taken him long to figure out that his in-house counselor/best friend was having illicit thought about Jason’s little sister.

“Wow. And it’s a _female_ steamroller, if I’m not mistaken. And, let’s be honest here for a minute, I never am.” Jason chuckled, narrowing his eyes. Benny just grunted something – he wasn’t ready to talk about women with Jason. Not when the woman he had imagined naked in his arms, screaming his name out, was Jason’s own little sister. “C’mon buddy, you can tell me!”

Benny didn’t answer, he just grunted something again, sounding probably like a Neanderthal. Jason, finally, seemed to accept defeat, and looked at his friend, almost apologetically. 

“All right.” He inhaled, deeply, as he took off his glasses. “But, if you ever feel like sharing, I’m here.” Benny nodded. He studied Jason, and guessed where his mind was going, but his friend couldn’t be more mistaken. 

He wasn’t thinking about Amanda, and how much the woman he had loved for almost a decade had broken him- had made him swore that he was done with romance, love and relationships. Maybe he wasn’t grieving what could have been any longer, but he had decided that he wasn’t going to involve himself any more. There was too much potential for pain, after all.

“Listen, Benny…” Jason sighed, looking at his friend intensely. “If I somehow offended you, or said the wrong thing, I’m sorry. But if I didn’t, let me give you a piece of advice: seize the moment, and lighten up.”

Benny narrowed his eyes, and thought about what his friend had just said. Maybe Jason was right. He had just to take it easy. 

It had been a kiss – a hot one, but just a kiss nevertheless. It didn’t have to mean more than what it did. Hell – after all, there was nothing to be worried about. Things weren’t suddenly going to change with Sarah just because they’ve kissed. They were both adults, after all, surely she had to understand that too, right?

Benny sighed. He knew he was right – he had to. He could still salvage their friendship. He only had to stop thinking about her lips, and concentrate on being just her good friend, and her shoulder to rely on.

By the time Benny got back “home” that evening, he had decided that the kiss had meant little to nothing, and that it had been just that- _a kiss_. He was a man, Sarah was a nice-looking girl and he had been celibate way too long. 

He was starting to see things that weren’t there, all because he was thinking with his body instead of his brain. He wasn’t a teen any longer, and he knew better than confusing desire with love. He just hoped that Sarah knew that too. Surely she couldn’t be that naïve.

He was juggling his briefcase, his phone and the keys when he heard something that sounded awfully like a curse word. Carefully, he walked where he had heard the voice coming from, and found that he wasn’t alone, if the legs, and feet, sticking out from beneath the sink were any indication – and he suspected he knew the owner of said legs quite well.

Lifting an eyebrow, he nudged with an expensive show the jeans-clad knee, and was rewarded with yet another swear word. He wanted to chuckle: that was the Sarah he knew, the tomboy who didn’t need any help making renovations or repairs and would have been able to jumpstart a car in a few minutes. 

“Well, hello, Sarah.” He saw her stiffen, which wasn’t a good thing. She was probably thinking about their kiss, and knowing it, made him think about it as well. Which was something he had promised to just stop doing. “Having a good day?” he asked, trying to change the subject. And take his mind out of the gutter.

He heard her hissing, and before he knew it she had left her position beneath the sink, and was on her feet, cleaning her dirty hands on her old, holey, paint-stained jeans. They seemed very old, and naturally distressed by time and use. 

He smiled with relief: that was the Sarah he remembered from way back when. That was a version of her he could handle.

“Fine.” She said, her voice flat, without even looking at him. She just tried out the tap like he wasn’t even there to begin with. “Yours?”

Benny didn’t answer immediately. He didn’t know how to. Her far-away voice, her stiff posture had him confused. He wanted to reassure her of how much fun he had had with her, and tell Sarah that he’d want to do that again – minus the kiss, of course, but he didn’t know what she was thinking, and he hated making blind decisions.

He decided to buy himself some time. “You really take over Nicole Curtis, uh?” He chuckled, almost shamelessly.

Sarah closed the tap, and turned to look at him. She had probably been thinking about something else, he summarized, as he saw her confused look. “Rehab Addict? The show where…” He tried to clarify.

“Yes, I know who Nicole Curtis is. She advocates for the  [ preservation ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historic_preservation) and  [ restoration ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Building_restoration) of existing  [ architecture ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Architecture) over demolition when feasible. Her renovation philosophy is _to restore old homes to their former glory rather than modernization_.” She looked at Benny with a deadly gleam in her eyes. But she also had a lifted eyebrow – probably because she was surprised that he knew who Nicole Curtis was.

“Benny, what Nicole Curtis does it’s what I’ve been wanting to do since I could remember, something that you may know, given that you’ve known me half my life. But, instead of following my dreams…” She hissed between her teeth, looking defeated and mad at the same time. “I’m struck here, furnishing offices and patching my brother’s place!”

Benny stared at her, the sharp contrast Sarah was. She was a delicate creature, almost naïf, yet she could be a fierce warrior when she wanted to be. She possessed a dedication, and a passion, that few others did, and yet she also was the young woman whose nails were currently polished a pale pink.

“What?” She asked, lifting an eyebrow, as she gritted his teeth, speechless, for the longest time. She had one hand on her side, the other leaning over the sink, and he couldn’t stop staring at the chipped nail polish. The color was smudged, it was chipped, it wasn’t even a nice color at all, and yet it was doing things to him that Amanda’s perfect and professional manicure had never done.

“Are you free for dinner this weekend?” He said, the words leaving his mouth before his brain could even contemplate the idea of going out – on a _date_ – with Sarah again. 

Her lifted eyebrow stood firmly in place. “I’ll pass. And in case you were wondering, I don’t mean, rain check. I mean, thanks, but no thanks.” She answered, coolly, tightening the faucet. She was behaving almost as if he wasn’t there, and Benny wasn’t sure he really liked it. Sarah’s reaction was the opposite of what he had thought it to be.

Benny looked at her, confused. “C’mon, Sarah, we had fun.” He tried to defend himself, suddenly _needing_ to be in her company again. “Listen, I know I haven’t been a gentleman, that I probably scared you off and…”

Sarah snickered, in a very un-lady like manner that showed that she had been raised by two men who forgot they had a girl in their hands. “Okay, you know what? This thing you and Jason have, where you think I’m this little girl who’s never been kissed? It’s not even funny anymore.”

Benny stood in silence, not sure how he was supposed to answer. Sarah took a big breath, her lips in a tight line, as she looked at her feet, like they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the universe. Then, she lifted her gaze, and their eyes met again in the confined space of Jason’s kitchen. 

“Listen, Benny, let’s be honest here for a second, all right? You’ve just changed work, you’ve been dumped by a woman you’ve been with for, what, six, seven years? From the look of things, you seem to not know what you actually want out of life now, and I don’t really feel like being your rebound or your in-between.”

“But I don’t…” He tried to explain her that she wasn’t to be his rebound, but Sarah cut him short. 

“And if that wasn’t reason enough to stop whatever it is we’re doing right now, do I have to remember you that you’re Jason’s best friend, _and_ his employee, which would be a recipe for disaster even in a perfect world? So, you want to tag along when I’m out with the rest of you guys? You’re more than welcome to. Otherwise, let’s keep things separated, shall we?”

She smiled, even if she looked more tired than she ever did, and she just swayed to the front door, Benny’s eyes glued to her retreating form. He stared at Sarah, dumbstruck, not sure what had just happened. 

He had taken a chance, a leap of faith, and yet it had been Sarah who had kept a cool head, and turned him down – something he wasn’t used to. He was good looking, smart, funny, well-educated, well-mannered and made good money. Women had never been an issue, even before Amanda. And yet, here she was, Sarah, turning _him_ down – just like he had done so many years before, when she was basically just a child. 

He run a sweaty palm over his tired eyes, and grunted. Telling himself it was for the best. 

But he was having an hard time actually convincing himself of this simple fact. 


	6. Chapter 6

“So, what did you say?” Marissa demanded, impatiently. She and Sarah were getting some coffee in TAC’s break room during both women’s lunch break. It wasn’t strange for Sarah to be there during her lunch – after all, Jason was still her client, even if he liked to pretend he forgot.

Sarah chuckled, and lifted an eyebrow as she washed a cup in the sink. “What do you think I said?”

“Sarah…” Marissa hissed, crossing her arms. 

Sarah rolled her eyes, and decided to admit the truth to her friend. There was no reason to keep it a secret – one way or another, Marissa would have gotten the truth eventually, after all. “I said yes. When Benny asked me if I’d go out with him, I said yes.”

Marissa stared at her as in surprise – somehow, if felt a little insulting, it was like the older woman was somehow insinuating that Sarah would have never been able to catch the attention of a decent man. She didn’t know how to answer her friend – without being impolite – so Sarah simply glared. Marissa was a smart woman (and a fine connoisseur of the human mind, second only to Jason), Sarah was positive she would have gotten the message.

Which she did. Kind of. 

“Sarah…” Marissa sighed, and shook her head, a bit frustrated. “You should know better than this.”

“I know, I know. Trust me – I remember Amanda, and I know that I’m not his type, but…”

“That’s not what I mean at all!” Marissa all but screamed, trying to keep her voice as low as possible. She stopped, when she saw a couple of employees clearing their voices and scowling – seriously, couldn’t they be just like Cable and wear earphones all the time? – and lowered her voice. She didn’t want to distract her fellow co-workers, after all, but neither she wanted people around the office knowing that the boss’ baby-sort-of-sister had a crush on their in-house brand new counselor.

“Ok, first… stop forgetting to look in the mirror. Any man would be lucky to have you. What I mean is…” she paused, and in her eyes Sarah could see Marissa was sorry – for her friend. “We both know that Benny isn’t looking for a relationship right now, and… are you sure it’s really a good idea? Dating a man who works for your brother? A man who’s basically his _best friend_?”

“Men aren’t beating a path to my door, Mar. Benny was there, he asked, and I said yes. That’s all there is to it. Trust me – I’m under no delusion.” Which was true. Maybe she didn’t know men, and fell easily into their honey trap, cuddled by their sweet lies, but she knew Benny. She knew him – and she remembered that day, so many years before, when, on Jason’s wedding day, he had told her to look for people her own age and stop daydreaming that older boys (men) could be interested in her.

“Then,” Marissa continued, getting more and more worried with her friend. “Why wasting your time? I know you, Sarah. You _want_ love. You want the white dress and the fence and a couple of kids and a cat and a dog.”

Sarah pouted. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of monster. Is it really bad to want something that I lacked my whole life?” It was true. Family had never been a certainty in Sarah’s life. Jason wasn’t even her real brother – he was the son of her mother’s third husband, and Samantha Carmichael hadn’t stopped there. Nope, she was currently engaged to soon-to-be (ex)husband number five.

And yet… Jason had always loved her. His father, too, in some way – he had adopted Sarah, after all, and cared for her even after that awful divorce. But he had always been a father, and not a dad. And yet, despite this, Jason had been smitten with her since day one. He had loved for her like she truly was his sister, and even now that they were adults, he still did. 

Marissa was right. She was being stupid and impulsive. And yet… she hadn’t been able to say no to Benny. Even if she knew that he didn’t want her in the long time. Even if this knowledge made her heart ache a little. 

“Look at this like… practice. Like, dipping our toes back into the dating pool.” Sarah sighed, trying to sound practical. She was good at practical, after all. “and be happy that I’m not home alone with my cat looking reruns of _Fringe_.”

Marissa rolled her eyes, and bit her lips. She guessed there was nothing she could say to make Sarah change her mind. Besides, Sarah was right – her evenings were pretty pathetic, and change of scenery would have done her good. 

“All right.” Marissa was –finally- persuaded. “Want to ask Chunk to closet combing with us? He may have something here ready to wear.”

Sarah nosed up. She knew it was a good idea – Chunk knew by heart every piece of decent clothing she owned, after all, but she was a little bit tired of being lectured on the subject of _all the reasons why Sarah shouldn’t have a date with Benny,_ on top of a lecture about her lack of taste _and_ how he had wasted his time looking for nice clothes for her.

Before she could say anything, though, Marissa had already given him a wave – and from his look, Sarah already knew that she wouldn’t have it easy. 

“I have just one word for you, Sarah: _Skirts_.” He said, indicating her daily ensemble. Which wasn’t so bad: a striped shirt, jeans, white sneakers. It was spotless _and_ hole-less. Seriously, what was wrong with it? “So, what are you girls talking about? Me?”

“Well, actually, we were wondering if you’d mind giving _us_ …” Marissa said, beaming, indicating a grunting Sarah. “some fashion advice. You see, someone here happens to have a date with Benny.”

“Benny? As in Benjamin Colón? _Our_ Benny?” Marissa nodded. “Are you sure that you are dating him? No offense Sarah, but I didn’t have to give him any clothes, like, _at all_. The guy has style in spades.” Which was Chunk’s way of saying that Benny dressed too well to be straight, in his personal opinion.

But Sarah shook her head, tsk-tsking her friend and adviser. “He still goes shopping with his sister, Isabella – _the_ Isabella Colón.” Everyone knew who Isabella was, she was practically a culture icon nowadays. Of course, not everyone knew that, long before that, she used to be Jason’s wife…”

Chunk whistled, clearly impressed, as he leaned over the refrigerator of the break –room. “So, where are you guys going, anyway?”

“He asked me where I wanted go.” Sarah admitted, shrugging. “I kind of said bowling.”

“Bowling? Seriously, Sarah, bowling?” Marissa was in disbelief.

“Well, it is date- _ish_.” Chunk suspired. “Even if I believe that she’d require more Danny and Cable’s advice than mine.”

But Marissa crossed her arms, chuckling a bit evilly as she looked at Sarah with what seemed like pity. “Trust me, Chunk. Bowling it’s no date – it’s just a boys’ night out.”

* * *

Marissa’s words from earlier that afternoon still echoed in Sarah’s mind as she looked in her reflection. She was wearing a simple white t-shirt, black leggings, tennis shoes and a checkered shirt, two or three sizes too big, as sweatshirt. 

She was dressed for boys night out. Because Marissa was right. Benny had never been interested in her, and even if he had told she had grown up beautiful, he probably didn’t mean anything by that. He was being polite, almost as he was still (sort of) family.

She had to stop day-dreaming. Benny had never seen her as date-dater material… and he wasn’t going to change his mind. He was just comfortable because he knew her. He had moved back after years, and he didn’t know anyone but her (and Jason – but he lived at office so he really didn’t count) in the neighborhood.

Hell – they even lived in the same building! He probably just wanted company. Maybe he hadn’t even asked her first…

_ Thanks God I said bowling and not something like a French restaurant or the movies,  _ she thought as she foretasting the evening. Bowling – she didn’t even remember if Benny liked bowling at all. There was a good chance he didn’t. After all, he had always been too busy studying to have time to have fun.

(How he and Jason had actually met, and became friends, was still a mystery.)

She was safe. And everything about her clothes screamed it – that, and remembered every one of her status as one of the guys. She shook her head, forcing herself to remember that it wasn’t date.

The doorbell then rang, and Sarah jogged to open the door, pasting on her face her best pretended smile, only to feel it slip once she saw Benny.

He looked good- _too_ good. Feet in suede hikers, long legs in denim, then a soft yellow sport shirt – and if that wasn’t enough, his dark eyes were shining, and his grin wide.

“Hi.” She finally said, doing her best to curve her lips. It wasn’t a date, she kept repeating herself, and he didn’t see her as a woman. Never did, never would. 

He laughed a little. “Hello to you, Sarah. You ready?”

She nodded, and grabbed from the chair next to the door her cross-body bag, big and full of colors and definitely not what a lady – _what Amanda_ – would have chosen. They rode the elevator and walked in the garage chatting about their daily struggles, about how their day had gone, just like two friends would have, but when they arrived at his car (because, of course he wasn’t going to ride his bike with her. Too close. Too… couple-y.), Sarah was surprised to find Benny opening the passenger door for her.

Like an honest to God date.

“You don’t…” she swallowed, feeling herself blushing, but Benny shook his head, and with an hand on the small of her back, he helped her into the seat. As he shut the door and circled to his side, Sarah felt goosebumps creeping all over her body. She was confused: whose voice was she supposed to listen to? Marissa said it couldn’t be a date. Chunk insisted date it was, at least, date-ish. Who was right?

Too soon, Benny was behind the wheel, and in the closed confines of the car, Sarah was hit by his scent. Benny was wearing a cologne of some kind, lemon and leather and something else she quite couldn’t point out.

With a small smile gracing her lips, she closed her eyes, letting the fragrance lull her senses. Then, she felt movement, a warm arm gazing her shoulder, and, panicked, she opened her eyes, just too see Benny buckling her up. 

Maybe it was something you did for a kid, but Sarah couldn’t, for the love of God, see Benny buckling _Jason_ up.

Maybe Chunk was right. Maybe _it was_ a date. 

“I guess,” she said, tentatively, as to test the waters. “I guess that Jason had to be pretty busy tonight. He always bringhis work home – when he actually remembers that he has an home to come back to.”

Benny actually chuckled, lifting an eyebrow, as he started the car. “Trying to tell me that your brother will not check when and if you’ll be back home?”

“What?! No!” She jumped in her seat, if that was possible, her cheeks burning. Her fists were closed, sweaty on her knees.

She forced herself to relax, trying to persuade herself that there was nothing more than what it was. Benny had told her once that she wouldn’t have gotten any kisses out of him: she didn’t have any reason to believe that things had changed. 

Just because he wasn’t related to Jason any longer… just because he had looked at her like she was a woman… it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t. 

“I bet we’ll have fun at bowling…” she said, her lips in a tight line, without an hint of enthusiasm. She wanted to see his reaction: amusement would have probably meant that he did see her as one of the guys… but Benny just shrugged. 

Sarah resisted groaning. She hated this kind of situations. Why couldn’t men came with a manual? Why was it so hard understanding someone you’ve known half your life? 

“Sarah? Are you all right?” Benny asked, sounding worried.

She looked outside, the bowling’s lights blinding her a little. “Do you know that I’ve got friends that, _at my age_ , are on their way to their second kid?” She wondered why she hadn’t met the man of her dreams yet. Surely she hadn’t been hung up on Benjamin Colón. There had to be some other reason, right?

“Well, Sarah, I can’t speak for them, but you’d be married with abunch of kids, we wouldn’t be having a date right now…” He simply said, his eyes gleaming.

And, just like that, she got her answer. Chunk had been right. It was a date. 

She was on a date with one of the sexiest man she had ever met and she had chosen a bowling alley and was wearing close to her worst clothes. 

Her childhood dream was coming true… and yet it was turning into something close to a nightmare.

Benny parked in his slot in the condo’s underground garage, keeping his hands on the wheel so that he could resist the urge to just shake Sara. He wasn’t smiling – didn’t really feeling like it, even if Sarah was attempting to – and he wasn’t uttering a sole word. Mostly, because he didn’t know exactly what to say.

He shook his head, and rested it against the headrest. He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel. One second, he was mad. Another, he was a little sad. Madness was winning, though: because Sarah was threatening like he was an idiot, and he was anything but.

Things were going well. They were having fun- _she_ was having fun, outscoring him. She liked to have the upper hand, besting everyone out, he still remembered that. A common trait in girls raised between men, and Sarah was no different.

They had been talking, told each other nearly every detail of what had happened in their lives in the last few years, when she had suddenly… stalled. There was no better way to describe it. Sarah had gone tense, and her whole demeanor had changed. She had been silent and quiet, and missed hits that he knew that her teenage self would have done at closed eyes.

He had win. But only because _she_ had left him to.

In the semi-darkness, he could see Sarah biting her lips, fisting her hands in her lap. She clearly wanted to ask him what was wrong, and yet she wasn’t opening her mouth. She was being overly cautious, and Benny wasn’t sure he liked it. 

It wasn’t the Sarah he remembered. Not by a long shot. _His_ Sarah had been filled with glee when she bested him. she would make an unholy – and so damn erotic – sound, with her tongue against her teeth.

“Is it just me, or it’s hot in here?” She asked, probably just to break the silence, fanning herself with her hand.

_ Nope,  _ you _are,_ he thought, groaning, as he remembered how she had managed, with her little frame, to make bowling sexy.

“Why did you make me win?” He suddenly asked, unable to mask his irritation any longer.

“I… don’t know what you mean?” But hers sounded not like an affirmation, but a question. Like she was struggling with words, unable to find a proper excuse for her behavior. He stared at her, his lips in a tight line, and all Sarah could do was sighing, sagging in her seat.

“I just…” she sighed, again. “I don’t know. I wanted to show you a good time. Like… on a real date.”

Something in Benny snapped, like a knot coming undone. “I seriously hope that Jason thought you better…” He felt like kicking his best friend’s butt. Jason should have thought Sarah _not_ to show men a good time. He was a brother himself. True, Isi was older than him, but, still, the protectiveness was still there.

Her head hit the headrest, and she turned her face slightly. She chuckled a little. “You know I’m not a kid, right? I may not have dated a lot, but I’m not the innocent child you and Jason imagine me to be.”

He looked at her, tenderly. Of course he knew – but he was also aware of hos frail she could be. Of how much she could love, and how easily. 

“It’s just…” she sighed, looking in the distance, past him, at nothing in particular. “I’m not… used to dating outside of my comfort zone, you know? All my past relationships… they were friends, and then they become something more, and I was so sued to their presence I didn’t feel the chance. You, though… I know you, and yet… I don’t.”

“Sarah…” he sighed, his voice hoarse. “What I’m going to do with you?”

She laughed, surprising him. “You’re going to not beat me next time we go bowling?”

Benny shook his head. The knot was back, tighter than ever before. “Don’t change anything about yourself Sarah, not for a man.” He plead with his eyes. 

She shrugged. “I wanted tonight to be perfect.” She said, a mournful note in her voice. 

“And it was.” He was keeping his hands firmly on the wheel, fighting against his instinct of reaching out and touch and her. “We should probably go.” He said, after the longest silence. It was the smart move. He had to put some distance between himself and Sarah. His mind was walking a dangerous path, imagining what her masculine clothes could be hiding, lace and silk and pastels covering her curves. 

“Right.” She took a long breath, hesitated, not showing any interest in leaving the car. “Right.”

He knew why she was struggling. He had made sure to underline it was a date – and a date was supposed to end with a kiss- a chaste first date kiss. And yet, Benny didn’t know if he would have been able to control himself. He didn’t want chaste. Not when his mind was overwhelmed by images of her naked form, and red lace. 

He groaned his molars. He was being an idiot. He wanted a woman, so what? It was a long time since and Amanda had broken up. It was pent-up desire, and nothing else. He could still be a gentleman and give Sarah the kind of kiss she deserved. A peck on the lips – nothing less, nothing more. 

He slowly leaned toward her, his heart slamming against his ribs. He cupped her cheek with his palm, tilting her mouth up. He closed his eyes, feeling heat and a burning sensation all over his body. He tried to think of her and her alone, and just like that, he brushed her lips, just like he had promised himself to.

And yet… it wasn’t enough. He leaned closer, pressing harder against her mouth, and he felt her lips part, her sweet, heated breath rushed over his lips. She tasted like sugar, and even if he knew that she should have stopped, he couldn’t.

Sugar was addictive, after all. 

He pressed closer again, her mouth open, and he moved his tongue softly inside. He knew he was an hypocrite- he would have kicked any other guy who would have dared such a move on Sarah or Isi on a first date, but he just couldn’t resist. She gasped a little, and he tensed, ready to finally let it go of her, but then her tongue met his, and somehow his hand left the softness of her skin, moving lower, and he laid his palm on her thigh. 

Despite wanting to break the kiss, he couldn’t – and he knew that neither did she. He gripped the fabric of her pants, and she groaned against his mouth. Heat and instinct overtook him, and he claimed her mouth with a slow and burning delicacy. She twisted as to get closer to him, and his fingers ended up dangerously close to her desire, and for what seemed the longest time, all Benny could think about was touching Sarah, and giving her pleasure.

Realization hit him like a slap. It was _Sarah_.

He snatched his hand away and moved away from her mouth. She stared at him, dazzled and confused, and he tensed.

“Let me walk you to the door?” Benny said quickly. 

She jumped out of the car before he could make it to her side, and ran to the elevator, hitting the buttons like she was possessed. But when he reached her, she turned around, and her hand came up. Benny wondered if she was angry, thought she would have slapped him. Hell – he deserved it. 

Her palm was cool against his hot cheek, and she smiled, sweetly, innocent, almost shy. “I had fun, too.” She said, going on tip-toes and brushing her lips against his own, just the ghost of a kiss. 

She slipped inside the elevator, and the door closed. Benny stood there, touching his lips with his fingertips – as if he wanted to make sure it had truly happened. He finally took a step, and then another, and before he knew, he was walking the stairs. 

He already knew that sleep would have eluded him that night. Only cold showers would have been his companions. 


	7. Chapter 7

There had to be a movie about that, Benny thought as he took in the scene they were making, and he thought that anyone would find it hilarious. Anyone but him, at least.

They were still in Jason’s kitchen, his best friend breathing hard, looking like an enraged version he was named after, Sarah, still with her back against the refrigerator in what seemed shock, while Benny was on the ground, his jaw throbbing like hell.

“Jason!” Sarah suddenly hissed in her brother’s direction, her hands on her hips. She didn’t look like the timid girl they thought her to be, more, Benny noted, like a lioness, or some mythological creature, and harbinger of war. 

Jason took a few steps in the general direction of what was probably his now _ex_ best friend, but Sarah was quicker than him, and, leaving Jason speechless, she grabbed Benny by the arm and dragged him to her apartment. Benny didn’t even dare to protest her. If anything, maybe he had to ask for her forgiveness. Whatever had happened was probably his fault anyway.

In seconds, he was in her small kitchen – so different from Jason’s, despite the apartments being equally big – sitting on old looking, and yet comfortable chair, and he was being brutally showed a pack of frozen beans against his aching jaw. 

“Ouch.” He winced as he held the pack there, both because of Jason’s precise hit, and for Sarah’s lack of, well, grace and bedside manners. 

Sarah gasped, wincing as she had been injured as well. She covered her mouth with her hands, as in shock, and went to seat next to Benny, looking at him apologetically. “I’m sorry. I was so mad at Jason I didn’t realize I was taking it out on you.”

But Benny shook his head, and left the beans on the countertop as he went to speak. “No, I’m the one who should be apologizing. Jason’s you brother. It’s natural that he wanted to protect you.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, and her cheekbones were graced by a blush that no make-up could have ever reproduced. “Benny, you don’t have to…”

But Benny cut her short, shaking his head, and covering her tiny hand with his own on the countertop. “No, I have to – and promise me you’ll not be mad with your brother. If you feel like forging anyone, just forgive me. I… compromised you, and in your brother’s apartment of all the places.”

Like she was hit by fire, Sarah took her hand away from beneath Benny’s, and stared at him with the same fire she had used against her own brother minutes before. “Is it your roundabout way of saying you are sorry you kissed me, Benny?”

“Well… yeah?” He wasn’t sure what he was supposed, so it sounded like an odd mix between a question and an affirmation.

Sarah suddenly stood up, opened the refrigerator to grab a bottle of rosé wine, then slapped the door shout with all of her might. Benny felt pain all over his body just the mere thought that she was probably envisioning his while doing so – at least now he knew that he had given the wrong answer.

She poured herself a glass, then she started pacing the kitchen, as if Benny wasn’t there. “I can’t believe you guys. I’m not a kid any longer! Normal girls get caught red-handed when they are teens, not adults! But a guy kisses me, and for everybody it’s the end of the bloody world, and you…” she hissed between clenched teeth in Benny’s direction, stomping her feet. “You even go and ruin it!”

Benny considered taking the frozen beans back, and trying to put them over his head. Maybe he had a concussion, and they would help him out. He surely had to injured, otherwise he couldn’t even begin to fathom his confusion on the whole matter.

“Uh, what exactly did I ruin?” he tentatively asked, 

She crossed her arms, over her chest. “You ruined a perfectly fine kiss, Benny. That’s what you did!”

He looked around, confused. He was starting to think he was on some kind of reality show, where people got pranked on camera. 

Of course, he was also beaming a little, grinning like a proverbial cat who got the canary. But also because he was still a man, and he couldn’t help but being proud when women enjoyed his techniques. He was a good kisser. He had been told so many times, so he doubted he had done anything that she didn’t like… “Just, out of curiosity, if it was a perfectly fine kiss, what exactly did I do wrong?”

Sarah blew out a long breath of frustrated air as she really looked at him, a man who didn’t have a sole clue. “Benny, at our age, when you get caught kissing a woman, you can be maybe embarrassed. Afterwards, there may be even be some leftover arousal. You? You are _apologetic_ , Benny. And you want to know what women don’t like? When men ask for their forgiveness for a kiss they had clearly both enjoyed!”

He shook his head, grinning. “Sarah, sometimes I really don’t know what I should do with you…”

She chuckled, pouring her lips a little. “You could let me win next time we go bowling. Or maybe you could keep kissing me. Without any apology involved, though.”

His eyes fell on her chest, on the tropical print embellishing her forms. Sarah was his temptation, she was intoxicating. Her kisses had been like nothing he had ever felt before, and he doubted it was something he could do without. 

With all the calm in the world, she closed the distance between them, and skimmed with her right index over his injured jaw, slowly, sensually, her lips parted and her pupils dilated. “Want me to kiss it better?” she asked, with arough voice that didn’t even seem like it belonged to her.

Benny grabbed her for her free hand, and he pulled her into his lap; she nested against his chest. She run her left hand through his short hair at the back of his neck, while her right was gently skimming over his injured jaw, feeling the light stubble there. She was staring at Benny like he was some kind of apparition – like the point where she was touching him was the sole focus of her attention.

“Do you really think you can make it better?” He asked, his eyes semi-closed, his voice rough, and for a moment, Benny didn’t even recognized himself. It was as if someone else had spoken the words. 

“I know I can,” she answered, her voice low, sensual, her smile wicked and wanton.

And in that moment, Benny believed her: he lost control of his mind, and his body decided that Sarah was right – she and she alone could save him, make it – make everything – better again.

Her gentle and light fingers wouldn’t stop touching his jaw, a caress that filled his with liquid heat, and her mouth found his. But this time, he didn’t allow her to kiss him – he went in for the kill, deciding that after all, Jason was right, and he had to seize the moment – they weren’t little kids, they both knew what they were doing and what they were getting themselves into.

“Sarah…” he sighed, as his arms encircled her petite frame. He had broken the kiss, nuzzling her neck, her shoulders, leaving there small love-bites, while Sarah wouldn’t stop to plant baby kisses where he had been injured. His body hardened as she rocked in his laps, and she shook her head, resting her index against his lips - as to silence him, reassure Benny that everything was all right – that it was as it was supposed to be.

Benny groaned at the touch of her fingertip against his lip, and looking for her eyes, he decided to be bold, and to give to both of them what they clearly wanted, this moment of bliss. He drew his tongue against her fingertips, and she gasped, stiffing, blushing of the most beautiful color to ever grace a woman. He freed one of his arms, and drew her finger from his mouth, and he directed her wet fingertip on her own skin, letting it paint a line from her neck to her collarbone, all the way into the low-cut bodice of her dress, right between her breasts. 

Her pupils dilated, and her body was soon filled with goosebumps, but Benny wasn’t doing any better; his breathing was harsh, and slowing down was getting harder and harder. 

“Don’t stop.” There was no doubt, no fear, no insecurities in her voice.

“Is that an order?” He smiled, and yet his expression was still intent, filled with desire.

“It is.” She simply said, serious, without breaking eye-contact. 

“Your wish is my command.”He brushed the hair from her face and kissed her all over her face, slowly, sensually, small kisses that did nothing but ignite furthermore the fire between them. Sarah dug her freshly manicured nails into his upper nails as Benny nipped on her earlobe, and he groaned, as his arousal intensified. 

Their eyes finally met, and without hesitation, Benny slowly lowered the straps on her dress down her shoulders; the bodice suddenly soft, he could see the roundness of her breasts, enclaved by a strapless nude bra, all silk and lacy and cute ribbons. 

“Didn’t I tell you to not stop kissing me?” She demanded, and Benny would have laughed, for he felt himself _free_ for maybe the first time in a long time, and it was all because of this woman, a delicate princess, a fierce warrior, all wrapped into a tiny, deadly package.

He cupped her naked shoulders, and did as he had been ordered to. He couldn’t stop kissing her – on her moth, her neck, all over her delicate features – turned on so bad that he couldn’t even see any longer. He could only feel her, inebriated as he was by her flowery perfume that did nothing but just make him _harder_.

Sarah moaned, again and again and again, as to punctuate each and every kiss he was giving her. Her hands were pulling impatiently at his shirt, and even if Benny knew they were moving too fast, he couldn’t bring himself to let it go of her, with the result that she soon had it free from his jeans, pushed upward.

Her touch on his naked skin was like liquid fuel. It wasn’t enough. He h _ad_ to have more of it, as stupid as it was. He pulled away, but only so that he could throw off his shirt. He immediately regained control of her mouth, as Sarah’s hands explored his chest, teasing him with her light touch.

_ More,  _ his brain told him, caution be damned. His fingers found the zipper of her dress, on her back, and he drew it down without stopping kissing her. He jerked the dress to her waist, then, with one movement, he unhooked the front clasp of her feminine bra, freeing her breasts, and the naked skin of her chest burned a path against his own.

“ _Benny_ …” His nerves were screaming, his breathing was labored, and he could barely hear her sweet murmur. “ _Benny_ …” She repeated. Her eyes had darkened, her pupils dilated. He cupped her breasts in his hands, eager to taste in his mouth her stiff nipples. He saw her watching him, intent, trusting. 

Too damn trusting.

Closing his eyes, Benny hooked her bra, drew up her corset, zipped the dress up, and lift her off his lap. He was gritting his teeth, feeling as bad about himself as never before. 

He hadn’t being seizing the moment. 

He had… taken advantage of her trust and her affection for him. Forgotten that she’d been hurt too many times, that she’d been taken advantage of and that he was to be her knight in shiny armor, her protector, not just another Neanderthal after her virtue.

And yet… resisting her was getting harder and harder, with each passing day. 

Sarah found herself sitting in a chair, completely dumbstruck. One moment, she had been about to consummate a torrid affair with Benny, the next instant, he had gone from hot to cold, and put physical distance between them.

He had even re-clothed her, and he was now busy putting his own shirt back on, almost as if he was trying to pretend that nothing had happened at all. 

She sighed, regretting that he was denying her the sight of his naked torso – he was very fit for a lawyer on a government salary. Benny run his fingers through his hair, and then scrubbed his face with his hands, and Sarah sighed again – this time probably regretting that he had stopped.

“Sarah…” he sighed, scrubbing his face yet again, but all she did was keeping sighing. “Sarah, you’re not making it any easier for me…”

She made a sound of… almost as she was mad or annoyed with him. She didn’t want for things to be easy for him. It wasn’t easy for her to get down from her height, not after having tasted him, after having foretasted the pleasure that he could have given her.

Besides, it was just his fault. He had started the whole thing up. She had just given him frozen beans, then he had turned into an erotic novel version of himself and he had practically undressed her into her kitchen. 

“Listen…” He sighed, running an hand through his hair. He wasn’t stopping, and he wasn’t making it easy for her – apparently, she had a thing for his hair. “Just let me tell you how so…”

She threw him a murderous look. “Don’t you even dare to think about saying it.”

“But…”

“Don’t!” She crossed her arms. “If you even just try to say that word, I swear to God that I’ll turn on some AC/DC so loud I’ll make the walls come down.” She couldn’t even start to think about him excusing himself. Couldn’t he see that asking for her forgiveness would have been a hit to her pride? 

Scratching the back of his neck, Benny left his seat, and turned in direction of the front door; he wasn’t even halfway when Sarah, pouting, stopped him. “Can I at least make us some coffee?”

Benny sighed, turned. He was looking at his feet, and even if he wasn’t talking, his whole demeanor screamed _apology_. “Look, Sarah, if you don’t want to talk, maybe I should go…”

Sarah sighed – the kind of sigh that signaled defeat and that she was getting sick and tired of the whole thing. “I just want coffee, Benny. And yeah, maybe we could, I don’t know, talk.” She was sick and tired of this whole thing. Couldn’t stand any longer how hot and cold the man she wanted for so long was. 

But… it was Benny. He was her friend. And Jason’s. She owed him at least that. 

“He narrowed his eyes, still battled. “No AC/DC?”

“Nope. No AC/DC, nor humming, or breaking into song. Just coffee.” She answered, serious. 

For the first time since their kiss in Jason’s kitchen, she saw him relaxing.She breathed in relief. She didn’t want his apologies, but she didn’t want for Benny to be so tense around her, either.

She turned on her tiny espresso-maker, an orange number that worked with Italian capsules, and bit her lips, feeling battled herself. 

Benny was her friend. She had known him half her life – but for just as long, he had been the man of her dreams, her one and only. And now, after so, so long, he was finally seeing her as a woman!

She knew that she wasn’t wife material when it came to Benny Colón, that she would be just one of the many women he had shared his bed with, but frankly, for once in her life, Sarah didn’t care. They were friends, and if she played her cards well enough, they would have been able to salvage that friendship even after…. even after an _affair_.

She slid two coffee mugs between them, ceramic numbers that could only belong to a woman, and smiled of her best smile, trying to look as friendly as possible.He wanted to talk? It was fine with her. Especially because her idea of talking was showing Benny that she was a woman – an _adult_ woman – and that she knew the name of the game.

Benny tapped with one hand against the table, while he couldn’t bring himself to sip the coffee. Just one look, and Sarah knew things weren’t going her way. “Look, Sarah, about what just happened…”

She groaned, slamming the cup against the tiny table. “Now what?” she asked. Like she didn’t know already where he was going. Excuses, just excuses, and some more excuses. 

“I just think we should talk about what happened.” He sighed. Sarah grimaced. He was _always_ sighing, and _never_ for the right reasons. Also, she was starting to get an headache, because, seriously, the man wouldn’t stop suggesting how damn sorry he was for all those good things he had done to and with her.

“Not sure there’s really anything to say. It happened, it was good. There’s no need for recriminations.”

“Good, then, I’d say, let’s forget about it, shall we?” He grinned, breathing in what seemed like relief, and it drove her mad – so, so mad that she was that close to kill him. Because she could already see where he was going. He wanted to forget… and for those heated kisses, those hot caresses, to never happen again. “It’s just that we’re in different places in our lives, and I think….”

Yep. It was exactly as she had feared. He had arrived at the point where he had made sure she knew his intentions. And that she wasn’t dating material when it come to him. Because, God forbid, no one could compare to wonderful and perfect Amanda!

They didn’t say a word for the longest time, and when Benny left his seat, the breath died in Sarah’s throat, and she feared he was about to leave. But instead, he stopped in front of the fridge, whose doors were filled with family pictures and mementos. 

“I think,”she said, a little sad, like she was lost in her own thoughts. “That you may come up in one or two.”

Benny nodded, as he silently traced a picture of Sarah with her mother. There was just one, and one picture only – all the others featured Sarah with her beloved brother.Sarah’s mother… he barely remembered her. But a thing he remembered for sure: both she and her daughter were beautiful women.

He grinned, as he took a picture that was hanging on the cupboard. “You haven’t changed much…”

She groaned. “Bad hair, ugly glasses and Band-Aids on my knees? I surely hope you are mistaken!”

He looked at the picture of the teen, as it was a treasure. “You had fallen from a tree. You had been trying to… rescue a little kitten, I think? When Jason and I saw you fall from the tree….” He shook his head, sighing. He was closing his eyes, as if he was trying to concentrate, or as if the memory was particularly painful. “Jason was panicking, he was pulling out his own hair.”

She remembered as it was yesterday. She closed her eyes, hummed, and took a dreamy expression, smiling a little. “You wiped my tears, and held my hand. Even helps me bandaging my knees.”

He had been her hero. Her shining knight. Howe could Benny expect her to forget everything, and behave like nothing had happened at all? She had cared for him, worshipped him- and she had loved him. What she felt now, she couldn’t say. But how could he expect her to label those emotions, if he wasn’t willing to let her explore them, at his side?

“Well, well, well, if this doesn’t look familiar…” he grabbed another picture from the cupboard, one of the three of them together, and he placed it on the table, right under Sarah’s nose. Then, he retrieved from his back pocket his wallet, and went through a stack of piece of papers, business cards, receipts and the likes, and tossed something at her.

It was the same picture – Jason and Benny, two young men, and between them, a teenage Sarah. “I was about to start Law School when you gave it to me.” Benny sighed, and as he held the picture between his fingers, she saw something flicker in his eyes – but it happened so fast, that as soon as she tried to look for it again, it was already gone. Still, it made her heart ache, and it filled her with something she couldn’t point out.

He went to put the picture back in his wallet, but the stack of things he was still holding scattered on the table – credit and debit cards, receipts of all kinds, business cards. 

Then, a studio shot of picture perfect Amanda, that did nothing but make Sarah’s heart stop beating. 

“Sorry.” Benny said, clearing his throat as he reached for Amanda’s picture. “I don’t even know why I still have this.”

_ I do,  _ Sarah thought. He had spent so long loving Amanda. And she was, in her own way, lovely. Maybe she wasn’t the most tender of the creatures, but she was perfect, modern, never with an hair out of place, always wearing the right clothes and the right jewels and perfect make-up. _Of course_ he would still love her.

“You were already dating her when Jason and Isi got married, right? I think I saw you two dancing…” Sarah skimmed over the picture, like lost in her thoughts. “I bet she was even prom queen…” Everything Sarah had always wanted to be, and had never been. Feminine. Loved. Desired. She hadn’t even gone to prom. Nobody had been interested in inviting her, as she was just “one of the guys”.

“C’mon Sarah, you are perfect the way you are!” He chuckled, pinching her cheek as she was akid. He even dared to look smug and superior, just like when he had been a young man denying her a kiss. 

He was an _idiot_ , and she was on her way to punch him even stronger than Jason had done if he didn’t close his mouth _now_.

Her temper, already ignited by his pinch on her cheek, rose to a level she could hardly contain. She wanted to scream and cry and just hit him and forget everything about Benny. 

He was a bloody idiot and he didn’t deserve her… her feelings!

“You mean, that I’m more suited to jeans and lime and grease than dresses and nail polish.” She said, clenching her teeth, gripping with her fists the fabric of her skirt with all of her might, and yet she sounded calm, very matter-of-fact.

“Well, yeah.” Benny answered, still smug and arrogant and that damn smile she wanted to erase from his face.

“You are probably right.” She said, smiling of the fakest smile she had ever sported in her whole life. She stood, and tapped with an hand against the table, while the other stood on her side. “Also, you better go. I’ve got tons of work to do and so little time! I don’t need to show you the door, right?”

“Right.” Benny repeated, biting his lips. He walked to the door, and when he was on his way out, he turned to look at Sarah. “So, I guess that I’ll see you when I’ll see you?”

“Oh, you can count on it!” She replied, still with the fake-smile, and the urge to either kill him or slam the door in his face.

But she didn’t do neither. She closed the door, and then collapsed on her couch, hugging her knees – and thinking about how the man who had almost given her an orgasm had decided that she was just a little girl to be condescend with.


	8. Chapter 8

Benny didn’t see Jason for a couple of days after the “fight” they had had over Sarah. There was work, with both of them working on different trials, and his boss wasn’t coming home a lot - but Benny didn’t take it personally, as both Sarah and Marissa had told him that Jason would often sleep at the office despite having a perfectly fine apartment. 

It was late at night, and the lawyer was working on a closing argument – not for himself, but for another lawyer, Liberty – at his desk when Jason finally showed his face.

“Just so you know, I’ve had a bad day, and if you are interested in round two, I’d be more than happy to take it out on your nose.”

“Nah, I’m here to apologize.” Jason said, scratching the back of his neck. “I haven’t really been myself lately.”

Benny lifted his gaze from the sheets of paper he was working on, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Maybe I should apologize as well. What happened with Sarah….”

But Jason stopped him before he could continue, lifting his right hand. “Don’t. Sarah’s been reading me the riot act nonstop since yesterday, and told me she was the one to…” Jason swallowed hard, as he couldn’t even fathom the rest of the conversation. “to initiate things between you two. I’ve been asked to not accept your apologies, as there’s no need to apologize in the first place.”

Benny sighed. _Of course_ Sarah would try to bring peace between her brother and his friend, taking all the blame for the kiss. Even if, in a way, she was right: she had kissed him in the kitchen. The other kisses, the touches – the ones Jason didn’t know about – had been all his, thought. And, even if he had been the one to put an end to it, he was still not getting any sleep, remembering things that had been, and imagining things that could have happened…

“Ehy, if you are finished there, you want to grab a beer with me?” Which was Jason’s way of saying that everything was forgiven and forgotten. Benny really liked this Jason. The good friend he had grown up with.

Benny opened his mouth as to speak, but then he shook his head. He still had a lot to do, besides, he wasn’t sure he could afford to stay so close to Jason. Jason… He was Sarah’s brother, and thinking about her… he was already thinking way too much about the young woman. He didn’t need a constant reminder of what she had offered him, and what he had refused.

“C’mon, Liberty’s not gonna need that closing statement _for days_! And I’m all alone back home, with my beloved sister busy with dinner with some corporate guy from her office.” Jason rolled his eyes, and grunted something – what, Benny wasn’t sure – but it was clear that his friend didn’t like this guy. 

He didn’t like him… and yet it was _his best friend_ who had gotten punched! 

Benny stared at Jason, annoyed. He was feeling ill, like he was burning inside – an ulcer, maybe, or something equally bad. “So, it’s okay for Sarah to date some stranger, when you keep going on and on about her bad taste with men, but you throw a punch at _me_?!”

“Well, “Jason chuckled. “I’m not there seeing her kissing this guy – if she is kissing him at all, which means that I’ve done my part of protective big brother!”

It was bullshit, Benny thought. Jason wasn’t with Sarah, so it meant he couldn’t protect her. And Sarah… she was vulnerable right now. On the lookout for the perfect man. In a world filled with men who took advantage of young, naïve women.

“So, Benny, you coming or what?”

Benny grinned as he stood, leaving his work where it was, ready to the next day. “Actually, I’m leaving myself. I’ve suddenly rememberedthat there’s something I need to do.”

Sarah had just gotten home, all alone. She had been out with a friend, a coworker, a nice guy who enjoyed her company but wasn’t looking for anything – not with women, at least. Brian had been of great help, he had kept her mind busy with chatter about work, about gossip and everything in between. It had been the cure she had been looking for… together with _the other cure_ suggested by Chunk.

She hadn’t said a lot to her friends about what had happened with Benny – he worked with them, after all – claiming simply that it wasn’t working and that, apparently, it wasn’t meant to be. Chunk’s answer? Getting pampered. He had even provided her with the necessary, all kind of creams, perfumes, shower gels and the likes, everything with flowery scents. It wasn’t really her style, but desperate times called for desperate measures, after all. 

She was studying with careful attention a pink pepper hand-cream, when her doorbell rang. Sarah huffed, annoyed, wanting nothing more than peace and quiet, but when she saw who there was on the other side of the door from the peephole, she understood that her dreams were going to stay just that – dreams. 

She opened the door, trying to look as annoyed as she felt, and, with an hand on her side, she leaned against the doorframe, making sure that Benny understood the message. He was _persona non grata_. She needed to get him out her sight, asap, and then she was going to try “the cure”, like Chunk had suggested. 

“Let me guess. You need some sugar because you’re too bitter.” She dead-paned, but Benny just snorted. “All right, listen Benny, I’ve got things to do, and if you have nothing to say….” She just shook her head, looking at him intensively, awaiting his answer. 

Benny took a big breath. “Is he here with you?” Sarah just looked at him, quizzically, so he repeated the question. “The man you went out with, is he here? Are you going to let him…” _do the things that I did to you,_ He wanted to say, but Benny didn’t have the heart, or the gut, to end the sentence.

“He is a friend from work. We are working on a project together and we wanted to brainstorm.” She answered, annoyed, as she turned to look at the table filled with the cure. 

“Are you free tomorrow evening?”

Sarah sighed. Here he was going at it again. All the times. And all she wanted was to forget he even existed! Why was he going hot and cold and hot at her? Couldn’t he settle with one damn decision? Seriously – the man had to see a very good doctor.

“No, I’m busy Benny. With life. And this is everything there was to your visit….” She showed him the door. Just to make sure she really didn’t want him there. 

“Benny, full disclosure? You’ve been back just for a few weeks and I’m already fed up with your brotherly concern.” She said, exasperated.

He grunted, shaking his head. “Sarah, I had you half-naked in my arms the other night. You surely understand that there’s nothing brotherly about that.”

Sarah closed her eyes and sighed. Her annoyance was just getting stronger with each passing second. She had initiated the whole kissing ordeal, but Benny had answered her – just to put an end to things and act like she was a little kid behaving a little irrationally just because. And now, now he _dared_ to ask her out? Like nothing had happened at all?

She massaged the bridge of her nose. “Benny, I’m not an idiot. And neither a kid. I know there was nothing even remotely brotherly about what we did last night.” She said, her voice a mixture of exasperation and defeat. 

Benny cleared his throat, hands in the pockets of his pants. “It’s just… this… “he sighed. “It’s… too hot. Too fast. And, I don’t know how what to do.”

As the butterflies decided to have a party in her belly at the knowledge that Mr. calm and controlled lawyer wasn’t so calm and in control when it came to his childhood “friend”, Sarah blushed, feeling a little bit victorious. 

She gripped her chest, feeling bold, and empowered. “Would you like to come in and talk about it?” 

“What?” He asked, swallow. wing hard, his eyes as huge as saucers. 

“Come inside. Be with me.” She had missed him, even if she had wanted him out of her heart and her mind, she had still missed him. And now she knew that he had been missing her, too. “What do you say, Benny?” Playing the damsel in distress wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t who she was. But she could be straight-forward. Just like her brother and her dad had taught her to.

“I… say no.” he said, sounding defeated. 

“No?!” she practically screamed, gritting her teeth. “You say no? You reject me again?!” Shame and embarrassment colored her delicate features. 

“What? No, I’m not rejecting….” But he couldn’t end the sentence, for Sarah slammed the door shout, soundly, on his nose. Benny rang the doorbell, again and again and again, but she put on her headphones, letting some Hard Rock covering the annoying sound, as she prepared a vanilla-scented hot bath for herself. 

The next morning, Marissa stopped by Sarah’s office with some brownies, explaining how Danny’s mother had backed them for her beloved child, but that Danny had begged her to just get rid of the damn thing or else she wouldn’t have entered in the dress Chunk had talked her into. 

“I don’t think any of us should really have any this…” Marissa said, probably thinking how both she and Sarah were going to be bridesmaids in a few days. “But, let’s be honest. Sometimes you just got to have the worst thing for you just to feel good.”

Sarah, like she was a child performing some antics, playfully moved the plate away from under her friend’s nose, and started to play with the crumbs. “You know, there’s this song I absolutely _adore_ , it says, _everything that kills me, makes me feel alive_.” 

Marissa opened her mouth as to speak, but one of the office’s secretaries stepped into their safe-zone. A young sweet thing, she was attempting to walk on heels way too high for the purpose, and was carrying a huge modern glass vase, filled with a cloud of white and green – ivy and tulips and roses and freesias. 

“Miss Bull? This just came in for you?” The secretary said, as it was a question. 

Sarah looked at the flowers, quizzically. “No, there must be a mistake. I don’t know anyone who would give me flowers with no reason…”

Marissa, former homeland agent that she was, immediately noticed a piece pf paper, folded between the leaves and the flowers, and grinned as she kept it between her fingers. “Well, there’s your name here, sweetheart. Sarah Carmichael-Bull. 

Stunned, Sarah took the flowers and put them on the table, next to the brownies, andlooked at the card Marissa had put on the table. She didn’t want to read it. It was kind of new. Last person to give her flowers? Her brother when she was a teen. Her dates… well, none of them had been too much into flowers…

Marissa grunted, and shaking her head took the offending not in her hands and opened it. She read it, and her eyes went huge as she gasped in surprise. 

“It says, Please forgive me, and be my date tonight.” Marissa sighed, dreamily, as she had suddenly changed her mind about the whole ordeal. “It’s from Benny….”

Sarah looked at the flowers, dreamily, and sighed. “Do you know that these are my favorite flowers? Not even Jason remembers…” they both sighed, and their eyes met across the table. 

“Well?” Marissa asked, and Sarah chuckled, shaking her head a little.

“It’s just like you said, Mar - sometimes, we can’t stay away from what’s really bad for us…”


	9. Chapter 9

Benny buttoned the jacket of his suit, taking big breaths. For the first time in his life, here he was, nervous while about to have a date with a girl. But, he guessed, that was the point: it wasn’t just any girl, it was Sarah – beautiful, sweet and yet strong Sarah, who deserved only what was best out of life. 

And here he was – about to give her the best version of a date he could give her.

Tentatively, he knocked at the door, smiling – and yet, as soon as she opened the door, he lost that smile, and the bouquet of flowers he was carrying – white roses, another of her favorites – fell on the floor. For she had never been that gorgeous, and even if he had promised himself to try to be a gentleman, he was losing his nerves, fighting with all of his might a battle with his desire for her. 

It was a rather simple evening dress- dark blue, with a soft skirt that looked like a cloud, but the bodice showed, and accentuated, those curves that he had felt beneath his fingertips already, and the heels of the strapped silver sandals made her seem taller. She had her hair arranged in a chignon kept together by rhinestones of some kind, and all he wanted to do was undone the complicated hairdo, and run his hands through her soft, cinnamon-scented hair as he kissed that pink, wet-looking mouth of hers. 

He was a dead man. But, death by Sarah. It was a really nice way to die. Or maybe torture – he wasn’t sure yet. 

“S….” he cleared his throat, trying to get an hold on his nerves, but even if he opened his mouth, no sound would leave. He closed his eyes, and took a big breath, and cleared his throat once again. “Sarah.”

“Benny.” She said, chuckling, her smile driving him crazy. She was having fun- she was making fun of him! Which, he guessed, it wasn’t so bad. It meant she was having a good time. That she was at easy with him.

He retrieved the flowers and gave them to his lady, and saw her just leaving them on the small table next to the door, as she didn’t want to lose time. When she was back there, at his side, Benny took her hand, and caressed her knuckled, tenderly, and looked as in awe in her eyes. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t find the words.

“Milady, your carriage is awaiting,” he said instead. Sarah lifted one eyebrow, and bite her lips. “Relax, it’s… symbolic. I kind of stole the company car for a night. Thought we could go to dinner, maybe go dancing, while your brother thinks I’m wining and dining a potential client.”

Sarah smiled again, but this time she blushed a little, and her cheeks took the most delicious pink hue he had ever seen on a woman – any woman. She was so different from his previous girlfriends, the opposite of Amanda. His ex-girlfriend had been… cold, calculating, even with her smiles. Sarah was honest, real, and just being in her presence, Benny felt like a delicate spring wind was warming his very soul, like a soothing balm.

“You really thought of everything, uh?” She said, a bit shyly, going on tiptoes and kissing him on the cheek. 

Benny closed his eyes, as the mere contact of her lips with his skin had started a fire in his body. He swallowed hard, for her knew he was in danger. For she took his breath away, and made his blood boil with just a look, with a simple, virginal and chaste kiss. 

He was a dead man. But, death by Sarah – what a way to die.

The evening went on smoothly, and Benny didn’t feel any pressure. He was at easy, and so was Sarah. She was a smart woman, clever. They had chatted the whole evening, with small talk and anecdotes from both their line of work. Benny had to keep a lot of things to himself as his profession requested, but Sarah knew a lot of stories. 

There was the tacky starletthat had demanded a huge Versace logo on every surface of her attic so that everybody would know just how much her Pygmalion loved her, but also the elderly man who was having the apartment refurnished to make it look better when they were about to sell, but then decided to keep it anyway because it had been his and his wife’s love nest. 

Sarah’s firm was currently working with a foundation that did charitable work, putting back together the homes of people who were struggling – she was very proud of that her boss had accepted to be part of something so big, and that the big heads at the firm had recommended her to oversee the last project, the complete renovation of a small house were a single mother lived with her three kids – a teenage girl who was studying hard to get a scholarship and two twin boys with a minor disability.

“Are you sure you don’t want to dance? There are a lot of night clubs around here…” He tentatively asked her as they entered in the car, after dinner.

Sarah nodded, looking at the lights of city running fast behind the glass of the car, fascinated as she was a little girl. She didn’t look like the woman who had slapped the door in his face because he had refused her advances – if nothing else, she was avoiding his touch, acting like he was just one of the boys, a sort of surrogate older brother.

It was what he had always wanted, and the chance that she could have wanted something different had kept him awake the whole night. He had no reason to feel disappointed, and yet, Benny felt like his heart was breaking into a million of pieces. He had promised himself to be a gentleman, to be her knight in shining armor, but there was only so much he could handle. 

Sighing loudly, he poured her a glass of champagne – he had truly prepared everything – and he slid closer to Sarah to hold it out to her; just as she was reaching for it, the car suddenly halted, and despite being buckled up, they lurched forward, the glass falling on the carped floor, her petite hand on his knee. 

Swallowing hard, Benny stared at her, getting lost in her eyes. His skin where she was touching him was on fire, and Sarah too was moved – her quick breathing was clear indication that the simple gesture had wakened something in her.

He covered her hand with his own. “You all right?” he asked, rubbing her far from delicate skin.

She didn’t answer. She too gulped, her lips slightly parted. She had chattered away the whole evening, and now she was clearly struggling for words. He cupped her cheek with his free hand, and she leaned in his touch, nervousness and heat radiating from her body. 

“You are so Beautiful, Sarah…” he sighed, his voice filled with desire and something exiting and yet dark. He was looking at her with glassy eyes, as he was a teenager dealing with a girl for the first time. “You know, I really want to kiss you right now… Can I?”

She chuckled, unable to move away from his touch. “I think the last time I made out in a car I was a teenager.”

“Yeah?” He lifted one eyebrow, calm, cool and collected. “I know that it’s overrated, but, you know…” He shrugged, and she grinned, her smile radiant. 

“Didn’t you say something about kissing me?” She looked at him with mirth.

Benny parted from her, as she was physically burning him, and sank in his seat, sighing. “I _want_ to kiss you. Isn’t it enough for you?”

She rolled her eyes, and sank in her seat as well, crossing her arms over her chest. “Great. You send me flowers, you get a driver, offer me a candlelight dinner, ask me to go dancing with you. You even tell me you want to kiss me… and yet you don’t want to do anything about it. Are we seriously going back there, Benny? Because I could have stayed home looking at Games of Thrones, you know?”

Benny opened his mouth as to speak, but no words left his lips.

“Let me guess, is that your way of delivering the famous _it’s not you, it’s me_?” Unless, she wondered, it was it – he was the problem. He was the one struggling, still broken hearted and thinking about the past, about a woman who didn’t want him any longer.

“No one has a problem here, all right?” He grunted, starting to get annoyed. “I’m not thinking about the past, and I’m not your damn brother.”

“Good.” she simply said. She smiled, a little devious, and traced with a delicate finger his cheekbone. “Then, I guess there’s nothing wrong with a kiss, right?”

Benny closed his eyes and gave in, melting into her kiss. His heart was slamming against his ribcage, and he swore he could feel her heartbeat through the material of the dress, as she pressed her breasts flat against his jacket.He shivered, and yet he felt the fire burning him down from the inside.

They parted, and he gazed into the abyss that was her eyes. The car stopped, right before their building, and looking as sure of herself as never before, Sarah left the car. She knew, the little witch knew that he would have followed her to hell back, no matter what. 

“Sarah…” he sighed once they were alone in the elevator. He wanted to touch her – the smooth fabric of her dress, touch her skin, do to her all the things he knew he was forbidden to. 

Sarah run ah hand over his chest, tantalizing, and as she leaned with her back against the glass-like wall, she lifted one malign food and run it over his leg, her knee rubbing in very interesting places that were coming back to life under her ministrations. “Sarah… it’s not a good idea…” 

He wasn’t an idiot. Granted, he was a man and it was basically his fault the path they were walking, but he still had half a brain. He knew what Sarah wanted - she wanted him, in her bed, naked, making love to her.

“What it is, Benny? Scared that you won’t respect me in the morning?” She asked, fluttering her eyelashes dramatically. 

“No, but… I won’t respect me in the morning. You are a good woman, Sarah, and you deserve more than… this. Besides… I don’t think Jason would approve. He’d never forgive me if he discovered that we slept together.” 

She gritted her teeth, lifting her chin, stopping her touch. “It’s not about Jason. This is about _me_. About _us_.” 

The elevator came to an halt, and she left the lift car, leaving a trail of spring-like perfume behind her, and before he could even start to think, he was following her. Before she could understand it, he slammed the door shout, and in the pitch black of her apartment, he pushed her lithe body against the door, diving for her mouth. Sarah gasped, and only then, when he felt her tremble underneath his touch, he finally let it go of the woman, surprised himself by the force of his desire.

“It’s now or never, Sarah.” He breathed, stepping away from her, giving Sarah room to decide. She didn’t speak; she smiled, gently, at him, and took Benny’s hand in her own, walking him in the dark in her bedroom.

Sarah didn’t bother with the lights- they weren’t going to need them anyway, and besides, New York provided enough illumination as it was. As she stood in front of Benny, with trembling fingers,she undid her dress, letting it fall on the carpet in a puddle of shiny fabric. Very slowly, she undressed, staying naked before his gaze, resisting the urge to cover her body with her hands. 

“You are so beautiful, Sarah…” he repeated. Sarah smiled shyly, glad that he was liking what he was seeing. She moved towards him, unable to find the right words. Unable to tell him how much she had always cared about him – how much she still did. 

She reached him, and slowly, with reverence, with gentlest touch, she undressed him, leaving his clothes on the floor right before hers. He wasn’t moving, wasn’t saying a word as she slid her arms around his neck. 

“Are you nervous?” She asked. 

“A little,” he admitted, getting lost in the sight of her. “I can’t make my mind, you know? I don’t know if I’m grateful you turned into this beautiful butterfly, but sometimes… sometimes I wish you were still that little girl who chased after Jason because he wasn’t paying enough attention.”

He touched his mouth to her shoulder, gently, and Sarah shivered in pleasure. After, he rested his nose in her dark hair, his fingers in the curls finally undone, and Sarah felt the strength of his desire against her body, and she trembled. 

He kissed the side of neck, inhaling her scent, and sucked slightly on the tender skin there. 

“I’ve been an idiot.” He whispered against her skin, between kisses. “I was wrong resisting you.” He breathed against her temple. “please give me another chance.”

Benny massaged her shoulders as she smiled at him. She was nervous, but she wanted – no, she needed this. 

Benny leaned down tokiss the side of her neck, stroking the spot with his tongue, making her moan. He lifted her form into his arms, holding her against him, and walked the short distance to her bed. He laid her on the cool sheets, and stretched out beside her, and without stopping to stare in awe in her direction, he turned on the bedside lamp.

“Oh, Honey…” She cupped Benny’s cheek, nuzzling his nose, getting lost in his dark eyes. 

“I trust you, Benny. Whatever happens… I trust you. And I always will.” 

And then, he kissed her, dark and hungry and urgent, and emotions took over. He left their body do the talking, dancing to the oldest song of the universe. 


	10. Chapter 10

The doorbell at the door woke Benny up; he blinked in the semi-darkness of the room, still half-asleep, and when he was hit by Sarah’s perfume, and by the sensation of an unfamiliar bed, memories crashed down on him.

They’d slept together. Her had made love to her, and then, when she had succumbed to sleep, he had watched over her, afraid that she would break, or that she would disappear like some kind of apparition. 

The doorbell rang again, and Sarah lazily opened her eyes.

“Sarah! We were supposed to have breakfast together!” Jason’s deep voice reached all the way to the bedroom. 

“Crap. It’s Jason. He’s gonna kill me!” Benny immediately sat up, running an hand through his short hair, panicking.

Sarah clutched the sheets to her breasts, and rolled her eyes. She sighed as she arranged a lock of hair behind her ear. “

“Door’s locked, Benny, and Jason knows I’d tell dad if he were to come here uninvited.” The annoying sound resumed, this time with the not so gentle addition of banging against the door. “I’ve got to go and answer him.”

“No way, Sarah. You can’t.” Benny swallowed, shaking his head, his eyes wide. He didn’t need Jason there. He didn’t want to talk with his best friend. He wanted Sarah – he needed to held her in his arms and talk with her about what had happened between them the previous night.

The banging started again, and Sarah, left the bed, leaving the sheets for him on the bed, and put on the first thing she found in her wardrobe, behaving as being naked around Benny was the most natural thing in the world.

“Listen, Benny, I have to get rid of him,” she said, calmly, hands on her hips. “Just get dressed and wait until I’ve dragged him to the balcony,then come out of hiding and do whatever you want.”

Benny, his eyes still wide, slipped out of bed and into his boxers, then tripped over Sarah’s shoes on his way to the rest of his clothes. “Are you actually asking me to – to hide in the _closet_?” He hissed, screaming at low voice. He didn’t want to tell Jason he had slept with his sister, but he didn’t want to hide in a closet either. Yes, there was the danger that he’d be either dead or out of a job (again), but they were adults. Clearly they could work things out!

“ **I HEARD YOU, JASON, I’M COMING**!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. She was petite, but what a voice! Not that he had any problem accepting Sarah could scream – she had done plenty of that the night before, after all.

Sarah took her sweet time to get to the door, then, with a look that could kill, she opened it, and leaned against the frame, her arms crossed.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” Jason asked, puzzled. He too was clearly annoyed.

“Cut me some slack, Jas. I just woke up.” She sighed, biting her lips. “Actually, _you_ just woke me up.” With the corner of her eye, she spied her room. She need to buy Benny some time, give him time to at least get dressed before dragging Jason all the way into the apartment with some excuse, so that her lover could get out of troubles. 

“I just wanted to invite my favorite sister to get breakfast with me. I was thinking Judy’s diner?”

Sarah pondered the answer. She was hungry, but she didn’t feel like having breakfast with Jason. She would have preferred Benny’s, and preferably in bed. Without clothes. 

“So, what do you say?” Sarah scratched the back of her head, her eyes still half-closed. She could see, in her peripheral vision, Benny getting dressed, and glaring at her. He was trying to tell her something, but, as she wasn’t a mind reader nor she could read the lips, she had no idea what he actually meant. 

Actually, she kind of did. He wanted to talk, of course. Benny _always_ wanted to talk. And she also had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to say. She could already picture the dialogue, word by word, and frankly, she didn’t feel like being dumped. Not in the early morning, at least. 

Who knew. Maybe Jason was right. maybe she did need a good old fashioned breakfast as far away from her apartment as possible.

“You know what Jas? You are right. I’m the worse.” She dragged her brother inside, shoving him on the balcony, redly. “Why don’t you look at the land scape while I finish getting ready, uh? We’ve got Central Park, we’ve got a lake… everything you’ve always wanted in an apartment! Wasn’t I a good sister when I found this for you?”

Jason opened his mouth as to speak, but she cut him short by closing the door between them. Hurriedly, she came back to her room, where Benny still stood, his shirt open and his hair messy.

She swallowed hard, tempted to just jump in bed with him and forget about everything, Jason included.

“Sarah, we need to talk!” he whispered.

Sarah gritted her teeth. “No, we don’t. We slept together, got each other out of our systems, end of the story. Now get lost before my brother see you.”

Sarah put on some lip-gloss, as to pretend she had tried getting ready for real, but Benny didn’t want to leave. He stood at her back, hands crossed. “What do you mean, end of the story?”

Sarah rolled her eyes, and grunted something. “Listen, neither of us is looking for commitment, all right? It was fun while it lasted, we finally did the deed, and I really enjoyed myself, so, thanks, I guess.”

“You are thanking me _for sex_!?” He all but screamed, and Sarah jumped, fast, and covered his mouth with her hand. 

“Did you say something, Sarah?” Jason screamed from the balcony. 

“The remote fell and the TV turned on!” She lied. She still covered Benny’s mouth with her hand, and one look at his glare told her he wasn’t having any of it. He wanted to talk, one way or another. “Listen, Danny’s party, this evening. We can talk there, all right? Now let me just have breakfast with my brother so that you can leave my bedroom!”

Sarah released him, and turned back on her heels. In a few seconds, she was at her brother’s side, and she was linking her arm to his, hoping to possess decent acting skills. Otherwise… she knew that Jason wouldn’t have been very happy to know what had happened between the two of them.

Danny’s family was quite old-fashioned, and, as the only child, she had always been… over-doted. The former FBI had never complained with her parents, but she had shared more than once that the grand wedding they were prepping wasn’t what she had hoped for.

That was why, few days before the ceremony, she had arranged a barbeque on the rooftop of her building, with just her friends and the closest relatives- and among them, Chunk and Melissa, who, as soon as they saw Sarah sporting a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers, dragged her in a corner. 

“Sarah, what’s going on? Besides the fact that you obviously hate me, of course.” Chunk sighed, with tears in his eyes. He was really depressed. Sarah wasn’t looking at all like he had hoped she would. They weren’t her old clothes, but, still, it was pretty close. 

“Sarah, what happened?” Marissa asked, more delicately, squeezing tenderly and reassuringly Sarah’s shoulder.

Sarah just sighed. “I made a mistake, that’s all – and it’s just my fault.” Melissa sighed, as to reassure her friend. “I thought I could handle a friends with benefits thing, but apparently, I can’t. Not with Benny.” Sarah sighed, and looked at Chunk, feeling a little guilty. “ I’m sorry Chunk, but I think I’ll stick with old fashioned me for a while.”

Grinning, but with no light whatsoever in her eyes, Sarah joined the rest of the party, and volunteered for pass duty – everything to take her mind off of all things Benny. She didn’t want to think about him. She even managed to avoid him for a good portion of the evening, but then, between refills of the plates, Benny finally cornered her. 

“Talk.” He simply said, glaring at her, the dish of fresh pasta between them. 

“I’m on kitchen duty. Can’t really desert.”

Benny inhaled, deeply. “Sarah, you barely know Danny and her family. I’m sure they’ll not mind if you don’t give all of yourself to this.” Benny cupped her elbow, and his fingers started to trace invisible circles on her skin, making her burn, making her remember how it felt making love to this man. 

“When, Sarah?” He asked, with a silent plea in his dark eyes. 

_ Never,  _ she wanted to say. She wasn’t ready to face him. They wanted different things, and she preferred to get her heart a little broken now, then having it shattered at a later date, when he would have become her whole world. 

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “We should leave it alone, Benny. We should… forget about it.”

“You want me to leave _you_ alone, you mean.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Listen, I told you. We got it out of our systems. It was good, you may not be God’s gift to women when it came to sex but you are pretty close, we both enjoyed each other. Is there anything else we should say?”

“Casual sex, Sarah?” He frowned. “Is it what you think it was?”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Why, you are thinking of proposing to defend my honor? Isn’t it a little too Catholic of you?” He opened his mouth, not sure what to say. He guessed that Sarah too would have added something, but then someone called for her, and she turned, in direction of the voice. “You can relax, Benny, I’m done with the subject.”

Maybe it was because he was an attorney. Maybe it was a man thing in general, but he wasn’t going to indulge her. _Just watch me, Sarah – I’m not done with the subject, and I’ll make you listen to me._

__

* * *

Few weeks before, if Sarah had said that she’d be all too happy with just a one night stand, he would have been happy. But it seemed to be different now. Benny had watched her the whole evening, and now that dessert had been served and people was indulging in small conversations, he found that he couldn’t leave the topic, and Sarah, alone. 

He told himself that he wanted to keep her safe, wanted to protect her. If she was with him – and she knew the rules – she wouldn’t have ended broken hearted for some other guy who had played with her feelings. And it seemed that Danny’s party was filled with guys who wanted to have a go at the sweet Sarah. 

He groaned. Every time he had gotten a glimpse of her during the evening, he’d seen her beneath him the night before, and then he would see Sarah offering herself to some other guy. He knew he wasn’t just being protective – he was being _possessive_ , and it wasn’t right. And yet, as soon as he saw a guy whispering something in Sarah’s ear- and he heard herlaughter – he saw red. Also because, wasn’t that one of the guys she was talking and flirting with the night of the party at TAC?

He popped out of his seat and joined them, ready to stop whatever was going on. 

“Get lost.” He simply said to the guy, who was looking at Sarah with too much familiarity. 

“Sorry?” The guy asked, lifting his eyebrows. 

“I said,” Benny repeated, so close to him that it was almost scary. “Get lost.” The guy held up his hands in surrender, and headed back to the party, with a good-natured grin, showing that he wasn’t hurting too much. 

Now that he wasn’t around Sarah any longer, Benny found that he kind of liked the guy. He was smart, after all. Not good enough for Sarah, but, still. 

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” She asked, hands on her hips. He closed the distance between them, and saw a bead of sweat running down her temple, down her cheek. He caught the drop with his thumb, then caressed her exposed skin with the wet finger, making her shiver. 

He bent down, and with his lips he roughly kissed the damp skin, licking, filling his senses with her taste. 

Her eyes widened as she whispered his name. 

They parted, and he looked into her eyes, stared at her like she was the most magnificent thing in the universe – like she was his drug, like she was food and water for a starving man. 

“Let me come back to your bed, Sarah.” She swallowed, hard. Resisting him was hard, but she didn’t want to give up, not so easily, at least. But Benny cupped her neck, held her for an elbow, and nuzzled her neck, touching her in all the right spots. “You are mine, Sarah.”

She considered denying it, but found out she couldn’t get a sole word out, and when Benny wrapped his big, strong hand around her wrist to slip out, she allowed him to.


	11. Chapter 11

After Danny’s barbecue, things between Sarah and Benny kept heating up, and Sarah decided to live a little, day by day, what was going on between them. She really didn’t have anything to say against him, after all – Benny was a passionate and yet attentive lover, and, on top of that, a sweet man. He cooked for her, cared for her, and if insecurities showed their ugly heads, he was the first one to fight them off.

And yet, even if they had spent almost every night together since, she hadn’t told a soul – not even Marissa. She told herself it was because she didn’t want to jinx something that felt so good, but she knew the truth. Sarah didn’t know where they stood. Were they in a relationship? Were they just lovers? Friends with benefits?

She knew what she wanted – forever – and yet she knew what she wasn’t going to get it. She had even tried to slow things down a little, remembering him how she was a bridesmaid and was going to be busy in the days before the wedding, but Benny had been quick on his feet, remembering her that he too was invited.

He had even made it sound like he wanted to go there as her escort- her _date_ – and show her off to everyone. 

Who knew? Maybe she could really get what she truly wanted…

Benny slipped into the chapel where Danny’s wedding was going to take place in a matter of days, and noted how the rehearsal was well underway – and from the look of people, had for probably a while. 

George, Danny’s fiancée, was right before the altar, close to four other men. It was hot, the smell of flowers was intoxicating and the poor men seemed ready to burst out into tears. The organist began playing something – one of those classical wedding themes – and four young women appeared and walked in measured steps towards the aisle, huge white bows in their hands as makeshift bouquets. 

The last one to walk down the aisle was Sarah. 

Benny slid on the wooden seat he was parched on to get a better look at her – she was wearing a nice dress, delicate, feminine and yet intoxicating. Her legs seemed to go on forever, and fabric completed her skin and her hair like nothing he had ever seen her wear. She didn’t look human- more like an apparition, an angel.

Benny sighed as he noted her rosy lips, her long eyelashes, the delicate make-up. Sarah was always beautiful, but today more than ever. He looked at her, dreamingly, and when he started to imagine the moment he would have dragged her home to have his woman all for himself,as the good Catholic that he was, he made the sign of the cross, hoping to be forgiven for the unholy thoughts he had just had on holy ground.

As she walked past him, Sarah sweetly smiled at him – they were old friends, no one would have seen anything wrong with that – and then rested her long lashes on her pale cheeks, as she buried her petite nose in the white lace, pretending to inhale the scent of the make-believe flowers. 

Suddenly, Benny’s heart stopped, and his vision blurred, as he was having a panic attack. He felt like that for the rest of the rehearsal, and he never lifted his gaze from his knees, terrified that even just a glimpse of Sarah would… _damage_ him, or something like that. He knew it didn’t make any sense, he knew that it was stupid and irrational and he wasn’t even sure why he felt such dread, but, it simply was like that.

After the rehearsal, Benny stood in the back of the chapel, leaning against a wall. His mouth was dry, his heart was thundering in his chest and his hands were sweating. The ease he had felt just in the previous days was long gone, and he couldn’t understand why - or maybe he could, but he just wasn’t ready to admit it yet, especially to himself.

He had already set his mind on leaving, hoping that a few hours alone would clear his head, and yet, he was still looking for Sarah. She was on the other side of the chapel, busy talking with Jason. Her brother was smiling, affectionate like he had always been with her, and she too seemed rather pleased. Her cheeks were rosy, just a shade darker than the rest of her features. 

Their conversation seemed easy-going, but suddenly something snapped in Sarah. Jason had told her something, probably intended to be a joke, but she had suddenly paled, and her smile disappeared from her lips. She shook her head just once, as to recompose herself, then she gently squeezed Jason’s shoulder, as to excuse herself. 

Benny swallowed hard as he saw her walking in his direction. She was stiff, her armcrossed over her chest as to protect her heart, and if look could kill, he would have been a dead man already. 

“So, I just had a rather interesting conversation with Jason. He says something about how he told you how his poor little sister couldn’t keep a man unless he was a dirtbag.” Benny choose silence as the answer. Sarah took a big breath, as to steady herself, then she swallowed and faced him again. “Is it why you suddenly developed such an interest in me, Benny? Why you came onto at the party? Because I was talking with a man so of course he had to be at least a criminal?”

Benny sighed. He took a step closer to her, and stared at Sarah like he had all the reasons in the world. Like she was supposed to understand. “You are young, Sarah. And… there are things you just don’t understand yet.” __

_ Men,  _ he would have said. She was young and naïve, and has bloomed later than girls her own age. There was too much she couldn’t understand – so much she wasn’t ready for. 

“So, just so that I get it right because I’m naïve and I probably can’t understand it: did you go all the trouble of asking me out because you wanted to rescue me out of some childhood obligation, or, did you just felt sorry for this _stupid little girl_ who can’t even understand why men date her, uh?” Her expression hardened, and her cheeks flushed, as she spoke with a voice filled with sarcasm.

Benny shook his head, quickly. He didn’t even have to think about an answer. “I was never sorry for you, Sarah, but…”

“But, what?” She demanded, starting to lose some of her cool. “You don’t feel sorry for me. You don’t want to save me from myself and bad relationships. What it is, then?”

“Sarah, it’s complicated…” Benny fisted his hands in his pockets, and sighed. 

“Maybe, but I’m the other party involved here, Benny. I think I deserve to know what the hell is going on between us. Oh, wait, I know – you just wanted to save me from loneliness, keep my mind out of my daily struggles, and then you had this tomboy throwing herself at you, _begging_ you to make love to her, and you had to make this _terrible_ sacrifice.” She spitted the words out as they were poisonous. 

“No,” he quickly shook his head, and tried to put an hand on her shoulder. “Sarah, it wasn’t a sacrifice. And I didn’t sleep with you because you asked. I did it because _I_ wanted you.”

A long and heavy silence fell between them, then she drew in a long breath and let it out. “But this is all there is for you, right? Desire – or maybe just lust. It’s been a while since you broke up with your fiancée, anyone would have done. Just as long as she was naked and willing in your bed.”

Something snapped in him. She was picturing him as the big bad wolf, when all he had always wanted to do was protect her. “Sarah, what did you expect from me, uh?”

When she answered him, her voice was low and quiet. “I just… hoped that you you’d feel the same as me. That you… loved me back.”

“What?!” He almost screamed, feeling like his head would come off. “Sarah, what we have together isn’t love. It’s great sex – but, still, just sex.”

“So…” she blinked, swallowed hard as her eyes got teary. “So, this is just, physical. Lust. Just like I said.”

Benny tried to cup her cheek, but Sarah took a step back, making sure she was as far away from him as possible. 

“I just… I thought you needed… a real man in your life, and not some kid who doesn’t know how to treat you right. That’s all I wanted.” He sighed, and shook his head. “Trust it from someone who’s been there – love hurts. Don’t be so quick claiming it.”

She clenched her teeth, her face a stony mask. “It’s over.” She said, firmly, abruptly.

“Sarah…” He sighed, running an hand through his dark hair. 

“No,” she stood, tall. “I don’t want to be your little pet project. I don’t want your pity, or your protection, or whatever you think you are giving me. We’re done. It’s over.”

Benny shook his head again, looking at her as she was a child being scolded. “C’mon Sarah, things are good between us, and we have a lot of fun. We don’t have to…”

“No, we _do_ have to end this now, because _you_ don’t love me.” She answered, dignified. She was composed, and looked awfully calm – _too_ calm. “Even worse, you treat me like a kid, and dare to say that I’m quick to claiming my feelings, when I’ve spent _half of my damn life_ in love with you.” 

She simply walked away, her back straight and tense, and when he saw her talking with Jason, guilt surged through Benny, and he felt like the sun had stopped shining. Still, he kept repeating to himself that he had done the right thing. It was better now than later.

Sarah couldn’t be in love with him. She had things confused. And sooner or later she would have agreed with him. She would have been all right.

He wasn’t sure that the same thing could be said about himself, though.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day, Sarah was sitting with Jason at her favorite coffee shop. _He_ had dragged her there, and offered a mocha latte – her favorite – sensing that something was wrong with his little (sort of) sister.

_ No _ , she mentally corrected herself. Jason didn’t think there was something wrong with her: he just knew. And not because he was bloody good at his job, but because he was a good brother, and he knew her. Like no one else. 

“Nothing like two shots of espresso and milk to soothe a romantic crisis, uh?” He chuckled, as he sipped the hot beverage, enjoying the taste. Sarah just shook her head. She had told _something_ to Jason – not everything, of course, but her brother wasn’t an idiot (even she liked to tell him so). She didn’t need to tell him she and Benny had had… something. He had probably already guessed so on his own by now.

(He had found them kissing in his kitchen, after all.) 

“I’m the one having the romantic crisis, Jason. Is there anything else you want to say? Any suggestion?” She glared at him. He wasn’t being of any help. And a coffee – albeit an extremely good one, and her favorite kind – wasn’t enough to make her feel better. 

Jason just shook his head, and sighed. He was looking at his empty cup like all the answers to each and every question ever made were right there. Guilt engulfed Sarah’s soul, as she noticed how tired, and older, her brother suddenly looked. She had been so wrapped in herself – and in Benny – that she hadn’t given any thought to her own family.

“Jason… are you all right?” She asked him, in the same little voice she had used, many years before, to question if he and his dad were going to make her leave, now that her mum wasn’t Mrs. Bull any longer.

Jason simply shrugged. “Nothing.” But despite the word, everything in him – his voice, his posture – were saying the opposite. Even a blind man would have been able to read him in that moment. 

“Don’t start with the attitude, Jason. Is it about a case? I don’t need the details, just tell me if you need anything, at all.” But her brother just shook his head, looking at the outside of the coffee as he cleaned his glasses. 

He was starting to worry her. She had opened up to him (albeit only partly), and yet he couldn’t do the same. Jason had had always advice, for everyone, and yet it seemed he couldn’t say just one word to his broken-hearted sister.

“I really should have gone to Marissa…” Sarah sighed. It had been an afterthought, and yet the words had left her lips at loud. And it was in that moment that she finally saw something moving in Jason: something flickered in his eyes, and he gasped. It only lasted a fraction of second, but she saw it, as clear as day. She had always suspected, and now she was sure of it: Jason had tried his best to cover it up, but the mere mention of her friend’s name had been his undoing.

He loved her. Her Jason loved Marissa. 

“Don’t tell her.” Jason sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m… not ready to tell her yet, all right?”

“But…” Sarah stood speechless, her lips slightly parted as she stared at her brother, her eyes huge. “Jason… she loves you. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. How her smile brightens when you are together. How can’t you have noticed?”

But Jason didn’t seem to want to hear any of it. He just shook his head, as he blushed a little. He looked outside the window of the coffee shop, behaving a little like he was a teenager, and now the grown-up, successful man he truly was.

“Sarah, _please_.” He prayed, as he covered her right hand with his own on top of the tacky tablecloth. “She can’t know. Not now. I just… when… _if_ I tell her, I want to be sure that she’ll not turn me down, and that there’d more to me than a guy whose first marriage lasted only three years.”

Sarah lowered her eyes, focusing her gaze on their joined hands. She wanted to ask her brother to not be so hard on himself, but words were escaping her. Jason hadn’t been a bad husband to Isabela – and his wife had been more than perfect. Pain and disappointment for the curveballs life had thrown them had ultimately set them apart. 

Sarah knew that with Marissa it would have been different, but if he wanted to keep suffering, so be it. Twice already he had seen Marissa escaping in the arms of another man, and twice he had been there for her to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. But it was, at the end of the day, Jason’s life. The choice was his, and his alone.

Sarah smiled, tiredly. “Trust me, she loves you. How can you not see it?”

“I’m good at my work, Sarah. Always have been. I tell people things that don’t even know about themselves. But when it comes to my own feelings, and the people closest to me…” He suspired. He didn’t need to end the sentence – what he meant was adamant. 

“And yet, you know everything about me. And I believe that you knew what was going on between me and Benny long before there was _anything_ going on between me and Benny.”

Jason beamed. He was laughing a little. He knew there was no joke here, and that his little sister was in pain, but his Sarah was just adorable. She was his light – had been since the first day her mother had introduced her in their household.

“Yeah, well, you are different. You’re easier to read than an open book. I mean, Andrea Bocelli could read you, and the guy’s _blind_.”

Despite Jason’s attempt to make her feel better, Sarah stillsighed, and shook her head. She popped her elbow on the tablecloth, and rested her chin on her petite hand. “Why can’t love be easy?”

“Yeah, well…” Jason didn’t finish the sentence. There was no need to. Sarah knew what he meant. That life wasn’t easy. Jason loved Marissa, and Marissa didn’teven know it. Sarah loved Benny, and he wasn’t interested in loving her back. Hell, as far as she knew, he was probably still in love with his ex.

Back when she was a kid, Sarah had thought that men stuck to bachelorhood because they didn’t like cleaning and the likes. But now that she was all grew up, now that she had finally, for once, truly been in love, she knew the truth. 

It was heartache. Because anything was better than that.

She slumped against the back of her seat, accepting defeat.


	13. Chapter 13

The day of Danny’s wedding came quicker than anticipated. Despite knowing each other only from a few weeks, she had still been nice enough to invite him – and, to better cement his position at the office and look like a normal human being with a normal life, Benny had gladly accepted. 

But… that wasn’t the only reason. That Sunday morning, he was in fact finding himself squashed between two old ladies – relatives of Danny, apparently – in a crowded pew; he kept stretching out his neck, hoping to get a glimpse of the bridesmaids – or better yet, of one of them in particular.

He knew he wasn’t supposed to: there was no reason looking out for Sarah when she had been clear about her choice. He had told himself that he was fine with that, that it was for the better, but, still, he missed her presence, andhis own bed felt alien after having shared with her the one in her bedroom.

He felt a strong hand squeezing his shoulder, and Benny turned, meeting Jason’s clear, worried eyes. Sitting behind his longtime friend, he was dressed in a dark tuxedo, and nodded at various people who saluted him, often with just a gesture.

“You all right, buddy?” He asked Benny. 

Benny shot him a wary glance, than swallowed, breathing hard. “Sure. Why, you can’t see how well rested I am?” Benny lied.

Jason lifted an eyebrow, leaving his hand on Benny’s shoulder. “Oh, really?”

“Yep.” Benny’s lips went into a straight line, and the lawyer looked in front of himself, pretending that he hadn’t just told lies after lies. 

“Oh, and here I thought you were hurting!” Jason joked, and Benny pretended he wasn’t getting it, that it was all in his head. Surely Jason didn’t know what had happened between his friend and his sister. Because if he did, Benny knew that he would be lacking a lot of teeth by now…

“Nope. I’m all right. Completely fine. Well rested, even.” Of course, he hadn’t slept well in days, but he wasn’t going to say so. Not when Sarah was the cause of his lack of sleep.

“Well, then I guess I’ll not have to seat you down and ask you about your intentions towards my sister, like you used to when I started dating Isi.” Jason half-joked, rearranging his jacket. 

Benny swallowed hard, his eyes wide. He shook his head as to clear his mind. Had he heard Jason right? Because if he did, it meant that his friend _knew_.

The music started, the same notes played at the rehearsal, and the bridesmaids made their entrance, ready to join the groom and his best men. At his back, Benny heard Jason chuckle, as the women walked towards the aisle, dressed with different dresses, but just with one constant: the color white.

“Well, seems like Chunk has a gift to make weddings memorable. Or maybe Danny just loves white and I didn’t know it.” Jason whispered conspiringly.

Benny breathed in sharply as the fourth bridesmaid walked past him. It was Sarah, dressed with a short dress covered with lace, with short sleeves, and it hugged her in all the right places still remaining quite modest . The lawyer looked at the young woman in awe: somehow, he had forgotten how sweet and beautiful Sarah was.

He was in pain, his own heart was betraying him, but Benny didn’t want to listen to his conscience, repeating to himself that he didn’t need love and that Sarah deserved better than him.

_ I need to rest,  _ He simply told himself. Maybe a couple of beers, and a new routine. _And_ a new apartment. He would have started looking after the wedding, as soon as he got back to Jason’s place. He thought about skipping the reception, but then decided against it, mostly out of respect for Danny – he didn’t want to start a new job with the wrong foot. 

The ceremony went by quickly, and Benny was so focused in his own thoughts that he barely noticed it; he followed the rest of the crowd outside the chapel, and he followed the directions to the reception, reaching the restaurant in a few steps, and he congratulated both bride and groom with a shake of his hand and a kiss on her cheek; next to Danny were her bridesmaids.

There was… Sarah.

“Sarah…” he sighed her name, as it was a prayer.

“Benny. How are you?” She coolly answered, as if his presence didn’t matter. Someone had arranged her hair in a sophisticated hairdo, and her make-up was picture-perfect.

Benny fisted his hands at his sides. “Great. I’m great.” He said, lying again. He opened his mouth as to speak, wanting to ask her as she was feeling, but Sarah nodded, and looked past him at another guest, casually dismissing the man she had shared her bed with for many nights.

He made his way to the bar and ordered a whisky, and looked at the reception proceeding – food, drinks, speeches, dances. It was the same as any other wedding Benny had attended in his life, only the faces changed. 

Before he knew it, Danny was preparing to throw the bouquet – white flowers, he noted from afar. Roses and tulips, the kind of stuff Sarah would have been madly in love with.

Danny turned her back to the single women gathered by her, checked over her shoulder and told something to her new husband.The man left his position at Danny’s side, and in seconds he was back, with Sarah in tow. Danny rolled her eyes, then, as Benny left his post at the bar and made his way closer to the action, she let the bouquet fly…

…and fall at Benny’s feet. 

People made fun of him – Jason mostly – and congratulated him loudly, childishly. Benny shook his head, laughing, and threw the bouquet again, in direction of the single ladies still gathered in line, and the flowers landed in Sarah’s arms. 

She blushed a little, and inhaled the sweet scent of the flowers – nothing in comparison to the perfume that she was surely bathed in – then she turned her back on him and walked away, towards Danny and her other friends. 

Realization hit him with the full strength of an atomic explosion. He was hurting – not in his body, but in his heart, his very soul, and nothing could be worse than having Sarah walking away from his life. 

“You okay, pal?” Jason asked, squeezing again his right shoulder. 

Benny shook his head, unable to take his eyes away from Sarah’s back. “I think I’m hurting.” And it wasn’t the kind of pain medicine could do anything against. He had thought it was the lacked of sleep, the stress of a new job, but he had been wrong. 

He was missing her. Sarah – the queen of his heart. He loved her. He was _in love_ with her. It wasn’t just desire. It had never been. But he had been afraid of getting hurt, and of hurting her, so much so that he hadn’t given her the chance to decide what she wanted on her own. 

And now, she was gone. She may never gave him another chance.One day, she could have dressed in white in a church for another man. Carried another man’s baby. 

_ That _ hurt. 

He turned to face Jason, and Benny found his best friend smirking, looking at him with an emotion akin to understanding and fondness.

Jason knew. He had _always_ known. And he was giving Benny his blessing to be with Sarah.

“So, exactly, what are you waiting for, man? Go get your girl now! Go, go!” His friend patted him on the back, looking very proud and satisfied with himself. 

It was as if Sarahhad disappeared. Benny had looked everywhere, and yet he couldn’t find her anywhere. Last time he had seen her she was talking with Danny, but the bride wasn’t in her company any longer andhe kept coming out empty.

He couldn’t have any of this. He needed to talk with her, tell her the truth, confess to everything.

With his heart thundering against his ribs, he went in the last place left to check, outside. After a few minutes, he finally found her, hanging out around the back bumper of Jason’s car, which he had apparently loaned to Danny for the wedding. She was busy decorating it with flowers and ribbons and “Just Married” signs. 

“You need some help?” He asked. He looked at her dreamily, grinning like an idiot. Sarah didn’t answer, she just looked up and then grunted something – apparently, she still didn’t like him very much at the moment.

“What are you doing?” He asked as he walked in her direction, hands in his pockets, trying to sound as casual as possible. 

“I’m tying some cans together and then I’m tying them to the back of the car.” She said, doing exactly what she was saying without looking up. She was acting like he wasn’t even there, putting as much as distance between them as she could. 

Benny took a big breath, and leaned against the car. “Amanda and I never talked about getting married.”

Sarah stared at him, then she came back to her “job”, like he hadn’t just poured his heart out.

“It’s just that, I was looking at Danny getting married, and I told myself that Amanda and I never talked about marriage, never set a date, and it wasn’t because we were too busy or because it takes a lifetime to plan a wedding. We had… we had _years_ together, and we never even contemplated the idea of marriage.” 

Sarah stood up and crossed arms. “I’m not really interested.” She said, looking like an ice queen. 

“Oh, no, you are going to hear me out. Because I need to tell you this. And because it kind of does concern you.” Sarah sighed, suddenly finding her shoes extremely interesting, and at the same time, Benny got closer and closer to her – so close that when he spoke next, she could feel his breath on her skin, warm and sweet. 

“When Amanda left me, I didn’t regret that we hadn’t walked down the aisle. I…” Benny shook his head, and scratched the back of his neck. “Amanda had been part of my life for a long time. We took the most important steps in our lives together. I think… we never broke up because people expected us to be together. Get married eventually. And because….” Benny stopped, swallowed. 

Sarah saw the sadness, the worry, the guilt in his eyes, and joining her hands over her heart, she closed the distance between them. “Because…what?” She asked, her heart filled with hope.

“When you were a kid… I’ve always wanted to protect you, Sarah. Be your knight. The thought that you could be any different from Isi, it never crossed my mind. Until…” He took a big breath, and continued. “It was summer, and you were sixteen. I came back a couple of days earlier than anticipated, and I dropped by your place, thinking maybe Jason would be there. But I didn’t find him… instead, I found _you_.” 

Sarah didn’t say a word, she tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together, trying to understand, to remember what he was talking about, but she came out empty. So, she allowed him continue. 

“I still remember that day like it was yesterday. You were with two of your friends, in your pool. You thought no one was around.” He smiled at the memory, and he lifted one hand, skimming over her hair. “You were swimming naked. And… I was nailed to the spot. And I never forgot it. For weeks, I kept seeing that scene, but in my dreams, we were alone, and I took you in my arms and made love to you in the water.”

Sarah tenderly touched his face with the tip of her fingertips, and Benny closed his eyes as he finished the story. “I was a man, Sarah, and you were just sixteen. I know the law didn’t say I was wrong – but _I felt_ I was. You were… so young, and innocent, and I knew you felt… something for me. That’s why I had to stay away, Sarah, put as much distance as possible between us, because I couldn’t do you any harm. Couldn’t… force my feelings on you.”

“That’s why you never left Amanda….” She said, her voice but a whisper in the cool evening, and Benny nodded.

“That’s the whole reason I started dating her, actually. We were good friends, and we clicked. I thought it was working, Sarah. I really did. But then, at Jason’s wedding…” he shook his head, and so did she.

“But you rejected me.” She said, sternly, taking a step back, as she was suddenly scared of the pain that could come with his confessions, with the memories. “At Jason’s wedding, you rejected _me_. You said that you’d never kiss me.”

“That’s not what I meant, Sarah.” He sighed, his forehead now resting against hers. “I _wanted_ to kiss you, so, so badly… but I couldn’t. I still felt… a monster for wanting someone so much younger than me, and… it was our siblings’ wedding, for God’s sake! I thought it was a bad idea for us to get involved, even if I knew that deep down we both wanted to.”

“What are you saying, Benny?” She whispered. The step she took back, she took now forward, her hands cupping his neck, as Benny, with Glassy eyes, stared down at her, as she was the most beautiful thing in the universe.

“Back then, I told myself that I would been okay, but I figured it out now.” She lifted her eyes, in a silent question. “I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I let you go. I’d kill me knowing that you’d be someone else’s wife. That you’d be carrying someone else’s baby.” He simply looked at her, and now words left his mouth, as Benny covered Sara’s hands with his owns.

“I love you.” He said after the longest time.

Sarah took a step back, putting some distance between them. Shivering, she hugged her petite frame, and bite her lips as she gave him her back. “How can I know you’re telling the truth? That… you’re not saying this because you think it’s what I want to hear?”

Benny run an hand through his dark hair, and sighed. He lifted his eyes towards the sky, as to demand the Heavens what he was supposed to say or do to talk her into this. Convince her he was telling the truth. 

“Sarah, I’ve been in love with you since you were sixteen, and… I’m terrified. Terrified that it won’t work, that you’ll leave me. But, I can’t be without you anymore. I thought I could, I thought it would be better if you were with someone else, but I was wrong. And I swear to you, I will love you for the rest of my life, and nothing will come between us ever again. Sarah, I’ve been an idiot, but please, forgive me and be with me.”

Sarah gasped at the intensity of his gaze, and Benny smiled. Her eyes turned crystal clear, and he knew: she believed him. He took her in his arms, and kissed away her tears, he kissed her mouth, and he repeated his confession of undying love until his voice was hoarse.

Again, and again, and again.


End file.
